Things I hate about smoking:
1. I hate that all I do when I smoke is obsess over when I'm going to quit 24/7.
2. I hate the constant need to fulfill a "void" that doesn't exist...smoking created it.
3. I hate the nagging of my brain that says that smoking is more important than anything in any moment.
4. I hate the smell
5. I hate the burn as it goes down my throat and when it burns my fingers, eyelashes, eyebrows, clothes, etc.
6. I hate that I am a nicotine junky and a DRUG ADDICT!
7. I hate that it consumes my life, my mind, my body, and my spirit.
8. I hate when I see other people I think are happy and content, and I realize I don't feel that way because my mind is always on my next fix. It makes me fell sad for myself.
9. I hate that it takes longer to get anything done, or I just am not motivated enough to do things because I'd rather be able to sit around, smoke and feel sorry for myself.
10. I hate that I am punishing myself over NOTHING.
11. I hate that it actually does nothing for me though I seem to feel it's the answer to life's problems.
12. I hate that when I'm smoking I never work out or get exercise.
13. I hate that when I'm smoking I don't care about eating healthy since I'm already doing something else I see as bad for me.
14. I hate the misery it has caused me from day to day, always fighting the guilt, fear and anxiety...it is so stressful to smoke and makes life harder.
15. I hate that I've spent every cent in my bank account on my addiction and feel I've hit rock bottom.
16. I hate that I "think" it does something for me and that I've been brainwashed into thinking this.
17. I hate how it gives me panic attacks and fear that I'm dying from it.
18. I hate the heart palpitations it gives me.
19. I hate the shortness of breath and the numb limbs when I wake up.
20. I hate that I've spent 16 years of my life using this addictive drug to self medicate myself to hide from life when it hasn't helped me one bit.
21. I hate that I've put off hanging with friends so I can be alone and smoke, or not be around people that smoke so that I can try and quit, and then relapse and missed out on something fun.
22. I hate that I've lied in order to smoke.
23. I hate that I've relapsed a million times knowing that this is the one thing I want out of my life.
24. I hate the bubble world it locks me into.
25. I hate that I'll do anything to smoke because of this addiction...walk through blizzards, steal money, dry out tobacco in the oven I've poured water on in order to smoke it, smoked butts out of ashtrays, etc.
26. I hate feeling like a junky, like I'm addicted to heroin or worse.
27. I hate the idea of the life I could've lived and enjoyed smoke free and healthy.
28. I hate the depressive fog it keeps me locked in.
29. I hate that I can't just focus on a project and enjoy myself without this addiction crossing my mind.
30. I hate that I usually drink more alcohol when smoking.
31. I hate that it puts me in a corner and I feel lonely, like an outcast as a smoker.
32. I hate the idea that I'm the stinky roommate getting his fix every 30 mins.
33. I hate that I'm the last person on the trail when hiking with buddies because I'm sweating like a pig and can't focus right.
34. I hate that it makes me sweat more and gives me clammy hands, especially since I play guitar (probably the culprit to my nickel allergy I now have from hand sweat mixing with rusty strings)
35. I hate that it takes up at least 85% of my thoughts...the constant obsession of smoking, quitting, relapsing, next fix, next pack...on and on and on and on....
36. I hate that I feel like a monster.
37. I hate when the cigarette gets stuck to my lip though I don't know it, and I go to pull the cig out of my mouth and skin goes with it. If the cig sticks, my fingers then slide down and burn on the cherry instead.
38. I hate that I've been smoking up to this point.
39. I hate that I binge smoke since always trying to quit, I'll go the day without a smoke, give up and smoke a pack at night, pretty much every day.
40. I hate the feeling of nicotine overdose and the moments that I've puked from too much smoking.
41. I hate what I've put past lovers through with my addiction, constant quitting, lying to smoke, and stank!
42. I hate when I eat faster just to smoke.
43. I hate the idea of so called "casual" smokers. It doesn't exist. If you smoke 5 a day and can take them or leave them, why smoke? Why not 2? Why not 10? If you smoke only when you drink, why smoke? What's the appeal? I think it's a lie...you are a smoker!
44. I hate that I've spent so much money on something that poisons me, wastes my time and makes me feel like dog poo physically and about myself.
45. I hate that I depend on smoking to fend off withdrawal so I can deal with life on a daily basis though nothing seems to move forward or get done.
46. I hate "smoker's sections" and having to be corralled like livestock in public places like reject circus freaks!
47. I hate relying on something/somebody else in order for me to function properly.
48. I hate that out of all of my brothers, I'm the one still holding on to the addiction....I was the good kid for heaven's sake!
49. I hate that I am addicted to something that is truly against what I believe to be good for myself and for others.
50. I hate that I'm here having to write this list of things that I hate about smoking, I wish I never started!
Things I love about smoking:
This is an account of my journey, detailing the moments of a life free from nicotine and alcohol. I've found it helpful to document the ideas and events along the way to always remember where I came from and where I am heading. This will help me stay in the present moment and free from active addiction. I also hope that this blog can be used to inspire and benefit those who are also seeking refuge from their addictions.
