A Reminder...A Relapse from 9/4/15

I feel depressed about this relapse. I went from top of the world to bottom of the barrel in one day. I work so hard and then one little thing is triggered and I did the last thing I wanted to do...but that's why I did it. I've been trying to overcome all this bad luck that's been coming my way without smoking because I know it won't make a damn thing better. Smoking was me believing that the universe was against me and just wanted me to fail. Smoking was like me saying "ok, I'll give up! There, I did it! Is that what you wanted?"


But then I'm just left with starting over and feeling their isn't a way out. I feel nasty right now. I feel depressed. I feel stuck. That's what relapse instills is a feeling of FEAR! I don't believe that though, so I've got my quit back and going to take every moment I need to stay focused and progress.


You either smoke or you don't. It's been harder than that for me but it doesn't have to be. I have to simplify and never smoke no matter what because it leads you nowhere but backwards!!

2 things I can do every day is take a moment in the beginning of the day to pledge, check in, do my blog. I'm not really religious but I'll still pray to just to be mindful and thankful for what I have. Another thing is get some form of exercise even if only a walk. I do work on my feet at a restaurant but that's not the same as personal time. 

I'm sure it can be somewhat true that I start feeling emotional when on a fresh quit and then don't get too far out to sea before I retreat back to the smokes. 

In this instance I drank too much which I should've stopped after 2-3 drinks, something triggered me to feel like all my bad luck is the universe wanting me to fail. 

The whole thing was all in my head and I punished myself. I believed the lies. 

The whole thing was nasty. I didn't enjoy even one of the drags and I pissed the whole time. It was not worth it at all. 

Sorry so long, but I really need to do this and really know I can disconnect myself from the serial quitter label. I know I can do this....for me it is a day to day check in. Planning out my day really helps me keep things moving but I also can't be hard on myself if I don't get everything done. 

I just bought a marker/cork board for my desk to keep positive posts on and to organize my day!

I always have to keep my quit as my #1 priority because I am an addict and I can never have one. 

SMOKING IS OFF THE TABLE!!


Arghhhhhh


Adam

D240...Trust Your Intuition

I've had an intuition that something was up with my girlfriend. I showed up at her place and found her in her bedroom with a dude. She had been drinking. I know she is an alcoholic. We had just got off the phone maybe an hour before with her out of the blue saying she loves me and that I need to trust her and that she wants to only be with me and that she wanted to be with me that night. 

I told her I was heading home but when she was done at the bar to call me. No call. I texted her goodnight and no response. That's when I decided to get up out of bed and sorta trace her steps. I just had a feeling something wasn't right.

I don't know what to say. I got to her house which she shares with others. Front door is always open and I've always been welcome at all times of the day. Her bedroom door was locked and I knocked. She asked who it was and I said "Adam, just wanted to see you and hang out a bit!". The room went silent and so I called her phone. It started ringing and then I said, "obviously your in there". She came out, dude on her bed in the shadows of the bedroom. She then went to the bathroom and said "I didn't even kiss him." 

Her roommates told me she had multiple dudes in and out before, but they didn't really know our relationship so thought maybe it was open so they didn't say anything. She's the one that is always saying she loves me, she wants only me, she wants my baby. I feel so hurt right now but so proud that I followed my gut intuition and decided to track her down. I spoke to her softly and was glad to get her to face what she was doing. It was very painful and I deserve so much better. It's just sad because I did love her and think she's amazing in many ways.

I want to get drunk and smoke right now pretty badly. I just want to feel sorry for myself and be mad at her. I will not smoke or drink though because it just adds another problem on top of this one and would make me feel like the next problem would do the same. I'm never going back to where I was before. I'm never smoking or drinking again. They both have nothing to offer me but pain and suffering and life offers too much of that in the first place. 

 Adam

234 dyz....Money Issues...

Friends...I'm just stressed right now. Hating money right now! Help me back down to earth please.

Rent's going up!
Keep having to put money into my car!
Health Insurance going up!
Cell Phone going up!
Car Insurance going up!
Student loans...
Credit Card bills (my fault)

Job is not making me any more money than before. I make enough to take care of the bills but it makes me feel that stress that used to make me chain smoke and/or drink.

The one good thing is that I am no longer wasting money on smoking and drinking. I can also pick up shifts pretty much whenever I want to. I just need to put my nose to the grind stone and pay off the credit cards. It's hard not too get all emotionally wrapped up. Just needed to vent.

Have a great day y'all!

Adam

176 Dyz...RIP Nate Johnston

Almost at 6 months smoke and drink free and one of my best friends has passed away. He died from a Heroin overdose. It's hard to know what to say about it but it has hit me really hard. I've been having tons of mood swings and moments where I can feel my mind confused and not believing that I am awake and that this is reality. It's got me confused, but in the end I know the reality. A close friend has died way too young and from a drug overdose. 

I can't write enough to explain how much I care for the guy and it's sad to see him leave this earth. It's sad to know he's not breathing and that he'll never play a guitar again, or wake up again or eat a cheeseburger again. It's just weird and I don't quite know how to deal with it, but I know things will go on and that I'll be ok...and that also some day I'll die. I really hope not any time soon. I have too much life to still live. Nate had way too much life still left to live. 

All the emotions seem cliche. All the things I'm saying sound like everything we've heard before from people in the stages of loss. I've felt angry at him, at the universe, at the doc's that prescribed him opiates to deal with pain from a recent surgery, when he had been 6 months clean. In the end all I can think is that we all are trying to find peace, and maybe Nate couldn't find peace on earth. He is too special and too amazing for this earth. It didn't have enough to offer him, but he had plenty to offer us. 

I feel stronger than ever in my quits. This hasn't made me want to smoke or drink. It's made me want to work even harder towards a healthy and clear minded lifestyle. I'm so glad my little brother Brent got off heroin and is moving on clean. He made a great recovery with a good job, payed all his debts and we are closer than ever! 

Such a good friend is gone and it's gonna take some time to feel normal again, but I'll never get over the loss. He is like a brother to me and that will never change!

I dedicate my 6 month quit to Nate and all those people still stuck in the shame spiral of addiction. I know what it's like and it's hell. We all have our demons and our angels if you want to put it that way. I can't judge anyone. This teaches me to never judge anyone. I will leave that up to god or whatever force is in control of this chaos called life. 

Adam

4 months smoke free

I'm tired of wasting time on things that aren't important. Family is important. Happiness and working towards it is important. Being ourselves, finding ourselves, healing ourselves and not letting anyone take these things from us is important. have a good day or night wherever you are. 

Today marks the longest quit I've had since 2005 when I threw away an 11 month quit. I don't really know how important this date is, I'm not trying to put a time stamp on anything. Quitting is one day at a time and smoking is no longer ever an option for me. NO MATTER WHAT!

Adam 

111 Dyz...

Back to patience again. Just got done with 2 doubles. Yelled out loud " I want to fucking smoke, I want to fucking drink" in my car on the way home.

It's hard to always feel so serious about something, but I look at my scenario, my reality and know that I can't just have a smoke, can't just have a drink. I would just be so hard on myself, I wouldn't be happy, I'd go into the old shame spiral rut.

I've worked so hard to get where I am. I have a lot to learn. I felt sorry for myself. I feel I want some kind of release because I could just numb everything before....but that's me never facing myself.

Anyways, just had a hard time getting off of work. I still don't feel completely normal and sometimes I feel a bit boring but I will not lose track of my quit and my goals. I will not smoke over it! Thanks for listening and sleep well.

Adam

D107...The Dark Night of the Soul

Just a dream, but can't take it lightly. I had a nasty smoker's dream last night. I was in a dream within a dream. Even when I had gotten out of the nightmare of relapse, I talked to someone in my dream and they said that I truly had smoked. 

I was at some party, I don't even know the peeps in real life. I decided I'd drink even though I knew I was playing with fire. I started getting drunk and we were walking around town and I somehow either bought or got some smokes and started puffing away. As soon as I let that first one in, I couldn't stop and I started binge smoking, not caring how it was effecting me physically, mentally and especially emotionally. 

I could feel myself go to that place in my head where I separated myself from my surroundings. I knew I was doing something I didn't want to do and I felt the guilt and felt myself letting myself down....once again. That feeling was hitting me where life is stagnant, your just stuck in that same rut and it's just another night of wasting time and wishing you were doing something different, something productive or at least something that wasn't making you feel less than yourself. 

So I guess in the dream the night ended and I woke and talked to some guy who I guess was my friend and I said "I didn't smoke last night right? That was just a smoker's dream right?". He said "Adam, you did smoke last night". I asked him why he didn't stop me and I was mad at him. I truly can only be mad at myself because you can't rely on someone else, especially someone who smokes to keep "your quit" safe. 

I felt the regret, self-hate, sadness and the fact I couldn't take it back.  Smoking and relapse felt like a living nightmare. When I woke up my ears were ringing badly and I just hope this is all just me healing in different ways. Always so relieved when you wake up smoke-free, but we have to remember moments like this and the honest feelings that relapse releases into your body. All negative feelings that hurt the soul! I am not going back through that ever again!!! 

No one deserves that! 

Adam

Day #69...the Anger Step of Loss

You don’t have to read all of this. I just started writing to you and before I knew it, the page was full. I always seem to express most naturally when writing to you because you have never once judged me, and you have helped me so much. I can’t express my thankfulness to the fullest in just words!

Just needed to get some of these issues on paper. I need to figure things out. I don’t ever want to go back to smoking and most likely drinking is out of the picture too. I think I’m going through a different stage though and it’s the anger stage of loss.

I feel like a drama king right now. I guess I feel as if I’m not getting the benefits I want from quitting smoking. I feel like I’ve been going through the day noticing all the bad things no matter how big or small and blaming them on some so called force (maybe it’s the dark side) that is trying to get me to fail and give up and run off and drink and smoke, get fucked up, get numbed and hide from how hard I can be on myself and what I feel I may be doing wrong or messed up in life. I haven’t done that though because I know I won’t feel any better and it won’t answer any problems and I’ll just feel worthless. If I relapsed that would be me just believing the lies that I’m no good and not worth all this effort I’m putting out. I don’t believe I am no good. I truly believe the opposite and know how good of a guy I am and how much I care about life in general.

I’m working out and exercising to feel better but I’m feeling out of it or funky often. At the same time I go off and eat a bunch of junk food to make myself feel better or comforted. I think the funky feeling is from going from chain smoking and binge drinking to jogging often. Different levels of oxygen, body needing to heal, pushing myself too hard too fast, different stressers on the body etc.

I’m feeling I don’t have a way to take that edge off...that rush that smoking and drinking would do for me to numb and quiet my issues (the ones I’m facing right now). It’s hard getting used to always having to face things and learning how to cope with things or even put things off to tackle at a different moment….I don’t feel I know how to do that yet but learning.

I have tinnitus (constant ringing of the ears) that depresses me and there is no cure and I feel all the drinking and smoking made it worse along with all the NRT’s I used to use and abuse (I remember how they would make my ears ring really bad and give me vertigo etc.)

My ex who I’m still really close to visited Seattle and I set aside time according to her schedule. When she got to town she said she was too tired to hang out, but then visited me while at work when I couldn’t actually be a part of things. That really hurt me. I told her I didn’t want her to visit me at work because that annoys me when people pass that off as if actually hanging out with me. She did it anyways without realizing what it meant to me.

I still look back on an ex of mine and see what she paints as a happy and beautiful life, with a new partner, without me when I tried so hard to make things work between us, just to get shit on even though I knew my actions were valid at the time. I was more mature and ended things and I no longer want to be with her through all of this but it still makes me jealous to see that she has what she wants even through what she put me through…and she came back to apologize to me when I knew that would happen. I know it’s all in the eyes of the beholder and I’m learning to move on from that. Most important thing I learned from this is to really trust and listen to my heart and intuition. It will never lead me astray.

Sometimes when I feel down and out and I’m feeling lonely, I find myself going over the ex issue and it only makes me feel worse about myself as if I wasn’t good enough when the opposite is true. I know I need to keep seeking the love I’m looking for and not look down on myself through the eyes of someone else, when they aren’t even around. It’s just my head judging myself and my past regrets I need to come to terms with.

I just get tired of trying to be this nice guy sometimes. I get tired of trying so hard to free myself from my addictions and sometimes I just want to run off, get fucked up, feel sorry for myself and drown my sorrows. I know now though after years of that bullshit that it gets me no where and I’m still dealing with the aftermath, and still will for a while and have to keep my quit and have to keep moving forward and building new positive pathways and keep pushing through and never fucking give up! I try to be positive. I have been praying every morning, every night and every time I sit down to eat a meal. I try to give thanks and stay conscious to healing. I send out love through prayer to those in need and try to keep things in perspective. Even through all this, it’s tough sometimes to do it when feeling angry and out of it and burnt out.

I feel like I belong to a higher calling than working at a restaurant, barely scraping by, wishing I was a famous musician, with a family of my own and a closer tie to nature. I will be these things…I promise this! I will not be these things if I return to the shame spiral and get lost in the shadows of addiction. I will be more than that and this addiction will no longer ever control me. I can only do one day at a time and I’m trying the best that I can. I’m trying to do a million things at once but I have to keep reminding myself to take things slowly.

My mind was trying to fuck with me and say I should just go off the deep end and relapse and just start all over again on New Year’s Day but I know that’s a bunch of bull shit I can’t trust. It’s not rational thinking and will be a huge fucking let down. So I will not go there. I will not put my shoes on and run out the door and binge and feel sorry for myself and get angry at the dark sky. When I stare into the abyss it just stares right back, and I just feel that much more lonely and far away from where I want to be.’

I guess I needed a really big ramble. This is a tough time being in the no man’s land of my addiction. I know these are trying times and these are the times to push harder, be stronger and stay smart. I won’t lose my final quit! I won’t go back into the whole and just say that I tried but failed. I will not fail my quit anymore. I may fail elsewhere in life, but I will not fail my quit ever again…a promise I will take to my grave in honesty!

Adam

Day #23...RISE FROM DARKNESS

TODAY, AT THE END OF THE DAY, I JUST FORCED MYSELF TO GO TO BED EARLY. THE DARKNESS WAS TRYING TO EAT ME UP AND GET ME TO DO THE THINGS I AM TRYING TO GET FREED FROM. JUST LIKE RISING FROM DARKNESS, I CAN WAKE TOMORROW, SMOKE AND DRINK FREE AND SHINE MY LIGHT FEELING FREE!


The craves were at bay until night time. I started wanting it all over again real bad. The booze and the smokes. My mind starts questioning me and trying to get me to believe that I'm just gonna give in sooner or later so what's all the fuss! FUCK THAT NOISE! I DON'T LISTEN TO THE JUNKY ANYMORE!!!


I refocused my head, pledged again to stay smoke and drink free for the night and got home as fast as I could.

I hate it and I hate how much the junky mind tries to go against me. It became such a habit for me to quit and then give in on the easiest of excuses. I'm not giving up on those excuses anymore! Fuck that!

Adam
KEPT THE FUCKING QUIT!

D23

Honesty with Alocohol

So far, any time I've wanted to drink, I've wanted to smoke. I've wanted to do both and just get lit up and feel sorry for myself. Feel sorry for myself and say "WHY ME? WHY CAN'T I GET THINGS RIGHT? WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY?"

It makes no sense to smoke and drink, to sabotage myself just so I can feel sorry for myself and feel like my life is miserable when that is a complete and utter junky lie! It's a huge lie that I've been repeating for over a decade!!!

I'm not drinking any time soon...I've fallen for that bullshit mindfuck backwards ass game too many times. I may be even done with it but I hope that I can get to where I can have a drink without smoking sometime in the future. If not, then that's the card I've been dealt. I will not fuck up my quit anymore!

Adam

Embrace your fear...accept your quit ~RP~

I like this post that a quit friend posted today on Quitnet. Fear is a #1 subject with quitting smoking and the struggle. We've held on to smoking through thick and thin for years. Thinking we need it to get through tough moments or to feel ourselves. It is a corrupt illusion. It is a brainwashing and we have to embrace this fear head on to move past it and into our smoke free lives. 

Adam
D13
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 " embrace your fear...accept your quit. When a crave starts: Sit down...close your eyes... relax your body... especially your shoulders. Now..... allow the crave into your mind.... completely.... start to finish.....until it stops. It will take about 2 minutes... or so. It will be intense..... so remember....keep relaxing your body....especially your shoulders. Doing this will allow you to know what causes your fear/anxiety. Knowing this..... will allow your courage to grow. Do this with ALL your craves.....experience them... don't fight them. Namaste" 

~Bertram A.

Day #9...The Past May Haunt You/Shed Your Old Skin

I've been working very hard this time around. Posting daily, reaching out for support, praying multiple times daily, exercise, no wrong crowd, no late nights, no drinking...all that has really been helping.

Every night I have had a smoking dream where I wake up thinking I had broke my quit. It's so sad and it's a place I no longer want to be. My desire for a smoke free and beautiful life is way stronger than any desire to smoke. I was in such a repetitive state, it's still happening in my dreams.

My past actions are haunting me. I've relapsed so much, disappointed myself and others so much. It's made other people not trust me and feel like their support has been wasted and is frivolous. I turned into the boy who cried wolf every time I opened my mouth and it's gonna take some time to shake all that off and to be seen different as someone who is committed and determined. I am all these things and I aim to prove it to myself. 

I get posts from other people saying they don't trust this is my last quit and that they hope it truly is or it's all wasted breathe. They are right in saying that because I haven't displayed anything that resembles commitment. The only way to show different is by action alone, not words. I know I am on a different path and that this is my final quit, but it's still not always easy but my desire to keep the quit is stronger than the desire to smoke and I won't stop!! I don't want to feel that way, I don't want you to feel that way. I don't want to feel the let down of myself or others anymore. It's really one day even one moment at a time.

I don't need to convince anyone else I'm on the right path, I know I'm on the right path and only need to prove that to myself and to god. I don't know how religious I am, but I've been praying daily to be thankful for all I have in my life and to focus on those things that are important and offer love over those things that have been dragging me down for years on end into the same old hole and the same old street.

I am taking a different path and a different approach. I'm only at day 10, and am staying focused every day and am willing to learn and soak up any wisdom or lessons anyone has to offer.

Thanks for checking in. I will not throw away this quit. Nothing is holding me back from keeping my quit, but what has in the past is the thought that their isn't anything better out there for me. In other words, the old me has been busy feeling sorry for myself, all caught up in the drama that feels extreme all the time when you are in constant relapse. It has taken me a bit of faith and belief in myself that I can make my quit a reality, that I've dealt with what comes at me 1000 times before and now it's time to make it past the bullshit and embrace the person I am and have always strived to be.

Adam
9Dyz down

Only I can make the change!

A little bit of everything. Lots to write about. I woke up after a week straight of drinking pretty hard, feeling sorry for myself and feeling like I had no way out. Day in, day out trying to quit and then lighting up and then running off and getting drunk. This is the shame spiral that I get into when I've hit the bottom. Last Saturday when I went to work, got pissed off at a co-worker, and punched him in the face in anger. I mean, I had been drinking hard for a while before that. I work in the restaurant industry and everyone around me seems to be a drinker, and I've always loved it, the main thing I hate is that it has kept me from quitting smoking and then they both have been spiraling together as the numbing agent for feeling like I can't live the type of life I want to which is bullshit every time to think that way.

 Ok, so I know I was in a mood from all this build up before the punching incident of feeling stuck and hating it. I think when this guy pissed me off, punching him became part of this fake, failing world that is part of the shame spiral. I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't in this mess I've let go on for too long. I am angry at myself, angry at life that their isn't an easier way. 


My car was stolen about a week ago, and I was about 3 days quit. Used it as an excuse. Car isn't back, but I decided to start smoking. I started a quit a few days back and at 2:45 am I decided to run off and smoke, even though I had told my closest quit friends I was done and wrote up a whole quit contract, signed it and put it on the wall in my bedroom. I came back feeling terrible after a long walk to get the smokes. I had plenty of time to turn around and go home and keep my promise, but I decided to feel sorry for myself and hope that me relapsing once again would show someone, anyone that I'm suffering and feeling sorry for myself. Did nothing but keep me smoking and I got a nasty panic attack and had to fall asleep on the floor because I was so uncomfortable and couldn't breathe from the panic that I had to lay down on the floor in order to breathe. Once again, a panic attack due to smoking and all the anxiety from relapse and feeling depressed about the whole thing. 

the one thing that is baffling is that this addiction is causing all these problems. Not the stolen car, but the panic and the punching, the depression and anxiety. It all stems from my addiction and how much it effects me negatively. That's why it makes no sense to go back to smoking when it is the one thing that has started this downward spiral in the first place. 

It is a black hole and not a fun way to exist day in and day out always fixated on not smoking, then smoking, not smoking, then smoking. The only true answer to this conundrum is....you guessed it......to not smoke. PERIOD!!!! It is the problem, life is not the problem. I'm not crazy, or a bad person, I don't deserve the misery...it's all the effects of addiction, not making peace and not moving on!

It all started with quitting smoking and being a huge serial quitter, pretty much day in and day out for 10 years. In the last few years, my drinking started become a problem with trying to stay off the cigs. I feel like I have made it somewhat a problem when it didn't need to be, but I have to correct it now in order to get free. I would use the drinking as an excuse in whatever way to smoke again, because my guard would be down and I'd either be in a really good mood and say fuck it, or I'd be in a bad mood and say fuck it. 

Adam

Changing your mind is NOT OPTIONAL, Addict....REPOST

This is a great re-post that really shows the true meaning behind quitting and staying quit. Relapse does not have to be an option! I was leaving the door open. I no longer will. We know we cannot control smoking. Surrender now!

 

A great quote from this is "Quitting smoking is a journey not a destination!"

 

Adam

 

Changing Your Mind is NOT OPTIONAL, Addicts!

From allsfair on 12/28/2013 8:44:36 AM

Quitting smoking is easy: you just have to change everything - at least there's no issue about figuring out what to change or how much...you have to totally change your mind.

If you're new, staying smoke free has to come first. I don't buy this notion that relapse is "part of a stop smoking program." I never relapsed (slipped, tripped or puffed, whatever), and I know many people who didn't. If you already start off with the notion in your head that relapse could be a part of your program, you're already making a reservation to relapse, and guess what? Relapse you will. 

However, if you do relapse (and ANY smoking has to be considered a relapse, period), it's not a moral deficiency: you just get right back to not smoking, even 10 minutes at a time, but don't go into it with the though that relapse is part of quitting. 

Quitting is quitting. Smoking (or relapsing) is not quitting, and never the twain shall meet. Likewise, not smoking is not smoking - smoking at any point isn't ever "not smoking," period, end of story.

So, don't pick up and light up, even if your ass falls off, and you won't smoke. That's the one and only "way" to quit: don't smoke. There is no other "way."

Now that we have that out of the way, what does it mean that you have to change your mind? You have to change your mind back to that of a non-smoker. For a non-smoker, smoking is never the answer to any issue, problem, celebration, task, stress, etc. A non-smoker never has an excuse to smoke, because they just don't smoke. A non-smoker isn't "quitting," an "ex-smoker" or someone who "used to smoke." 

As an addict, you didn't need any reason to smoke - you just mindlessly puffed away every day. You told yourself ridiculous stories about "enjoying" smoking and how it was your "reward" or how it "helped you." That's just silly addict talk. 

When you are first quitting, and trying to change your mind, your addict (who is a liar and wants to kill you) will produce all kinds of excuses (in the form of "reasons") why you should smoke - if you start thinking like a non-smoker again, these things never come up. This will be your first indication WHY you have to change your mind. Who wants to keep thinking about smoking?

There's no way to "control" smoking or "controlling your quit" - this isn't an issue of "control." Addicts by definition are out of control - and so were you - you couldn't decide to smoke 1/4 of a cigarette every time, or only 2/day or only a pack every two weeks - you tried that many, many times, but you couldn't do it. Even when you were deathly ill you had to smoke - so why tell yourself stories now about "controlling your addiction" or "controlling smoking?" Non-smokers don't have to "control" smoking - they don't smoke, period.

So how do we change our minds back to that of a non-smoker? It takes time. Time and work and effort - it just doesn't happen overnight. You don't declare yourself to "have arrived." What it starts with is a complete abstinence from smoking, usually one minute at a time. and then up to one day at a time. As time goes by, you will think about smoking less and less, until you're not thinking about it at all - your mind is changing back into that of a non-smoker. You weren't born smoking, so you are unlearning smoking and returning to your original position: non-smoker.

Other things to think about, methods, and strategies will appear to you from people with long-time quits, or you will come upon one of your own through working a daily program of complete abstinence and treating your addiction with love and care - but again, there's only one WAY to quit: don't smoke. 

You will get the idea - there's no declaring you are there, or finished, or finally quit or declaring you are "forever quit" - you haven't done anything other than not smoke since you woke up this morning - humility is more important than some imagined accomplishment. 

Neither can you rush your way into a long-time quit (unless ripping the fabric of the space-time continuum is an every day thing for you). This is a daily path of RECOVERY FROM ACTIVE ADDICTION that you learn to follow, it's not, nor has it ever been, a destination.

Take care of yourself today. Resolve not to smoke today (even if your ass falls off), and each day, one day at a time. Over time, things will be come more clear to you. You will change your mind and one day will be able to say you are definitely a non-smoker again...

Houston (Non-Smoker)

Day 3385

An Open Letter from Addiction....(RP)

Simply put...Addiction is not a joke. You have to make that stand and take back control in your life or you'll forever be a slave until the day you die!

Adam 
d46 

REPOST~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An open letter from Addiction
From judyinjersey2010 on 4/7/2012 2:10:42 PM
I destroy homes, I tear families apart. I take your children and that's just the start. I'm more costly then diamonds, more precious then gold, The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold. If you need me remember I'm easily found. I live all around you. In schools and in town. I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street...maybe even next door...I am made in such ways..you can shoot, smoke or swallow me.

My power is awesome. Try me You'll see,, but if you do you may never break free. Just try me once and I may let you go, but try me twice and I'll own your soul. When I possess you, you'll steal and lie. You'll do what you have to just to get high. The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms.

You'll lie to your mother, you'll steal from your dad. When you see their fear, you should feel sad, but you'll forget your morals and how you were raised. I'll be your conscience. I'll teach you my ways. I'll take kids from parents, and parents from kids. I turn people from God, and separate friends. I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride. I'll be with you always, right by your side.

You'll give up everything, your family, your home, your friends, your money, then you'll be all alone. I'll take and take, till you have nothing more to give. When I'm finished with you, you'll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned, this is no game. If given the chance, I'll drive you insane, I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind. I'll own you completely, your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed, the voices you'll hear from inside your head the sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.

But then its to late, and you'll know in your heart, that you are mine,,,and we shall not part. You'll regret that you tried me. They always do, but you came to me, not I to you.
You knew this would happen, many times you were told
but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold, You could of said no and just walked away. If you could live that day over now what would you say?

I'll be your master and you'll be my slave. I'll even go with you when you go to your grave. Now that you met me, what will you do? Will you try me or not? It's all up to you

I can bring you more misery than words can tell
come take my hand, let me lead you to Hell

STOP THE INSANITY!! ~RP~

I am a serial quitter on my final quit. I am forever a nicotine addict. Every day I wake I have to take a moment and remind myself of the reality of my addiction to nicotine and the road it takes me down if I take even one single puff. It has driven me crazy and made me do some embarrassing things in the past, just to get my fix. 

I got this post from a quit buddy. This repost is from a man who freed himself from the clutches of this addiction, until the day he died from COPD. I never knew him, but I did see him around the Quitnet forum and he is an inspirational and supportive man! Cheers and RIP

Adam
D26
NOPT

REPOST~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

STOP THE INSANITY

Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. One of the hardest things we have to do in life, to improve ourselves personally, is to change. But change we must because if we don`t like the results we are getting, and we don`t change what we are doing, we will keep getting the same undesired results.

Now I don`t like the term `Serial Quitter.` I prefer to think of my Q friends who keep relapsing, and keep resetting their Quit Date and Gadget Stats as `Serial Restarters.` These are the QSters who start over again and again and again and keep thinking, `This time I`m going to make it.` Understand, if someone is on the Q trying, I give them all the credit in the world for sticking it out. However, If a QSter keeps trying and keeps getting negative results, they have to take a serious look at what they`re doing. They have to figure out what`s not working; because if what they`re doing isn`t working they become like a car stuck in the mud with its tires spinning. They `re just not going anywhere and they will get frustrated and they will beat themselves up and think, `What`s wrong with me?`

So, do you think this post is addressed to you?. Then you need to step back, take a look at what you`re doing wrong and make a change. I know everyone has it in them to win this never-ending battle. But constantly thinking, `I`m only going to have JUST 1` or `Okay, tomorrow will be different isn't the way to go. You need to devise a Plan B that incorporates a `One Day At A Time` and `Not One Puff Ever` approach.

I know you can do it. I know you can quit smoking. You just have to `STOP THE INSANITY` and I`ll.....

See You At The Top
Dave