No Man's Ocean:
When we first quit, it is like leaving the shore line with a vast ocean ahead of us. We board our quit boat and set off on our journey not sure of what's ahead. Fear is looming but we know we have to leave to start fresh. It's tough to go and seek new lands and new possibilities in life. At first we want to return because we can still see the shore and all that we left behind.
The cigs were our so called "friends" staring and calling back at us from shore. But we know they only offer negativity and bad health. If we go back, we know nothing will change and our efforts will be for not. We will have given up on our voyage, never giving ourselves the chance to see what we are capable of and where we could end up.
The fear can come and try to sweep us back to shore. To me it's more like no man's ocean than no man's land, and the cravings are the waves beating at us over and over again...but if we get out far enough, we make it past the breakers and find we aren't alone.
Others have found their own private Islands, and built new homes and new foundations. The waters are calmer and our friends help us find our own way, help us find new sources for survival. They lead us to our own secret lands where anything is possible. We have the chance to start new and explore life's possibilities with a new found freedom that staying on shore could never offer.
I feel I have been in no man's ocean, but I know I am arriving at my destination. It doesn't happen over night. The natural journey of our quit builds the foundation of our new lives, our new homes on our own private Islands. We stand amongst all the people that gave a damn while we were gritting through the ups and downs of our recovery.
We must stay resilient and see this thing through. We must live in the future every day. We must have faith and believe that we will reach our destination before we are there. Use your imagination and keep seeing what you are not now but what you will become! That's the only way to get off the shore of addiction and on the island of freedom.
Adam
Good morning everyone! I'm still around!
I had what seems to be my 10th smoking/drinking dream of the winter. So much guilt, shame, feeling of being alone and stuck in a cycle. I don't know why I've been having so many at this point in my quit. I think it's because I have had some depression and the passing thought comes of what would happen if I relapsed like I did in the past. It's not an actual though of intention, but a thought of taking myself through the steps to remember how much of a let down and negative space to be in. The thought leaves quickly because I will not smoke/drink and it scares the heck out of me and sounds completely gross!
I am 110% committed to my quit! I'm glad in the end I'm having these dreams because it teaches me all the misery of the "shame spiral" I used to go through when I was relapsing over and over and over and over again.
Off to work now, just wanted to get that out of my system, say hello and document the journey I am on. I still focus daily on my quit and renew my commitment as often as needed! Have a great day you guys and keep the quit. Keep it for yourself, no one else can take that away from you!
Adam
D464
I feel depressed about this relapse. I went from top of the world to bottom of the barrel in one day. I work so hard and then one little thing is triggered and I did the last thing I wanted to do...but that's why I did it. I've been trying to overcome all this bad luck that's been coming my way without smoking because I know it won't make a damn thing better. Smoking was me believing that the universe was against me and just wanted me to fail. Smoking was like me saying "ok, I'll give up! There, I did it! Is that what you wanted?"
But then I'm just left with starting over and feeling their isn't a way out. I feel nasty right now. I feel depressed. I feel stuck. That's what relapse instills is a feeling of FEAR! I don't believe that though, so I've got my quit back and going to take every moment I need to stay focused and progress.
You either smoke or you don't. It's been harder than that for me but it doesn't have to be. I have to simplify and never smoke no matter what because it leads you nowhere but backwards!!
2 things I can do every day is take a moment in the beginning of the day to pledge, check in, do my blog. I'm not really religious but I'll still pray to just to be mindful and thankful for what I have. Another thing is get some form of exercise even if only a walk. I do work on my feet at a restaurant but that's not the same as personal time.
I'm sure it can be somewhat true that I start feeling emotional when on a fresh quit and then don't get too far out to sea before I retreat back to the smokes.
In this instance I drank too much which I should've stopped after 2-3 drinks, something triggered me to feel like all my bad luck is the universe wanting me to fail.
The whole thing was all in my head and I punished myself. I believed the lies.
The whole thing was nasty. I didn't enjoy even one of the drags and I pissed the whole time. It was not worth it at all.
Sorry so long, but I really need to do this and really know I can disconnect myself from the serial quitter label. I know I can do this....for me it is a day to day check in. Planning out my day really helps me keep things moving but I also can't be hard on myself if I don't get everything done.
I just bought a marker/cork board for my desk to keep positive posts on and to organize my day!
I always have to keep my quit as my #1 priority because I am an addict and I can never have one.
SMOKING IS OFF THE TABLE!!
Arghhhhhh
Adam
We should try to be thankful every day we "get to" be here on earth. I've said it before. I'm not too religious, but I've learned to do a "thankful" prayer at the beginning and end of each day.
Come to think of it, I do it when I eat, when I feel emotionally elated, when I feel inspired or sad. I do it when a friend is in need or when I am feeling empathy for all the pain I went through with my addictions.
It's really helped me be in the "now", and to think of all the positive things life has to offer over all the negative that constantly can riddle our brains.
I'm not here to push prayer onto anyone. I'm here to push compassion, thankfulness and learning to close the door on those things that offer us no love. I'm here to help everyone find what they need to do to be free from what ails us. This was the message from those who blazed the trail before me. This is the message of self-love, self-worth and self-peace.
This is a message to help end suffering
Adam
Smoke free for 13 months! Here's 2 things I wouldn't have done if I was still binge smoking and drinking:
I will be running my 2nd Marathon (Seattle Marathon) on Sunday! I also am releasing my first album finally on Thanksgiving!
Here's the cover art to it!
Have a great Turkey Day everyone, especially if it's "cold turkey"!
Adam
I don’t know why but this man (Wayne Dyer) speaks to me so well. I’m sure he connects with a lot of people and that is why he made it to where he did in his lifetime. It was great to read this as I settled in to bed.
I haven’t had too many telling me not to follow certain goals. I think those voices for me have more been in my own head. I am learning how to hang a “Do Not Disturb! Brilliant Mind at Work!” sign on the door of my mind for those thoughts that try to distract or keep me from my dreams and aspirations.
Adam
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you want to find a deeper meaning in your life, you won’t find it in the opinions or the beliefs that have been handed to you. Rather than trying to be what everyone else expects you to be, live your life by your own rules to be happy and find inner peace.
Your imagination is your own fertile field for growing any seedlings that you choose to plant for a future harvest.
Article Image
You may have been told that you have always been a dreamer, as if this were a fault. I can speak here from experience. Family, friends, teachers, and even advisors frequently disparaged ideas that burned brightly in my imagination. I often heard comments such as, “Wayne, you’re such a dreamer. Get real. You are never going to make it as a writer, or a television performer, or a movie personality. Be realistic—we know what’s best for you.”
When I was being discharged from the Navy at the age of 22, my superiors warned me that starting college at my “advanced age” was loaded with uncertainty, particularly since I had no higher education experience, and I would be competing with younger recent high school graduates. Since I already had a skill as a cryptographer in the Navy, they advised me to pursue what they felt was best for me. But I had a dream—an imagination filled with the idea of teaching, writing, and speaking to large audiences. I saw myself onstage. I saw myself as a prominent author. And this vision could not and would not be sabotaged by someone else’s vision of what I should or could become.
As a young boy in a foster home, I almost always ignored other people’s ideas about what I should be thinking or doing—I simply was indifferent to their opinions regarding what I could imagine for myself. I have carried this kind of inner discipline regarding my own imagination with clarity, refusing to allow external opinions to cancel or diminish what for me was hallowed ground.
Many years later, I was advised that acting in a movie was not sensible for me as a 68-year-old man with no acting experience. I once again remembered to hang the DO NOT DISTURB sign at the entrance to my imagination, and proceeded to take acting lessons and adopt the self-enforced regimen that allowed me to create a movie. It is a product that fills me with pride—all because I have diligently practiced the following rule:
Never, and I mean never, allow anyone else’s ideas of who you can or can’t become sully your dream or pollute your imagination. This is your territory, and a KEEP OUT sign is a great thing to erect at all entrances to your imagination.
Stay in a state of grace and gratitude for this resplendent gift that is always yours to do with as you choose.
— Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
WOW! I feel this is the milestone I've been waiting for! Nicotine and Alcohol free for a full year! Now it's time to keep on moving forward and keep healing! One day at a time! I was first to pledge at Quitnet on my special day!
;)
Thanks for all the help here at the Q and beyond!
Adam
