282 dyz....What is your why?

What is your why? This sentence always reminds us to check in with ourselves and question what is important to us and why we do what we do!

Thought I should check in. Trying to get back in touch with myself lately. I've moved on now from the relationship I was in that was sort of bringing me down. Not easy to part because I cared for her. Really trying to dial down on the drama in my life...if that is possible haha! I'm somewhat dating like 3 different girls at the moment. I hope it's not just more trouble ;)

I had a great run today and am so thankful to be alive, to be nicotine and alcohol free! I'm still having some ear/tinnitus issues. I'm setting up a ear appointment soon. May not be able to ever get rid of the tinnitus, but can learn to cope and lessen the symptoms. I don't want to have to give up my running...just gotta take it a bit more easy.

Come what may I pledge and promise to remain smoke and drink free today! Have a great smoke free day my friends and hold your heads high!

Adam
Any day smoke free is a day of progress

233 Dyz...Smoking Dreamz

Dang, I had a horribly intense dream that had convinced me that I had smoked. I felt I was ignoring Quitnet because I wasn't facing that I had relapsed. I even felt I had woken from the dream and that I truly had smoked. I think that's what actually freaked me out enough to wake my ass up.


The smoking nightmares have happened the last few days. I think queues in life remind my subconscious and it plays out in a dream. I am dating a girls that smokes and drinks. She doesn't always do it around me, but I still see it and smell it. It's weird that when I finally quit smoking and drinking, I start dating a girl that does both. The last 4 or 5 girls I've dated were non-smokers.
 
So thankful to be smoke and drink free and I will keep pressing forward. I'm not going back to that huge mess that gets us nowhere and makes us feel less than ourselves. When things like this happen I like to renew my vows and refocus. I will not "slip" back into old habits. I'm never going back to that personal hell of self-slavery and hate. 

Have a great smoke free day!

Adam

197 Dyz...prep for marathon

Quitting smoking and drinking is the best thing I have ever done for myself. It still doesn't mean I'm always happy about it, but when I truly rationalize and look at the situation...if I picture what smoking and/or drinking would truly do for me in that moment, it would only set me back and make me feel really down on myself. It would hurt me physically and make me sick, make me depressed and feel stuck in that same old hole on that same street I've been clear of for so long now. I never want to go through that again no matter what happens in life. It's not worth the added pain and suffering.

My life and those things I spend my time on are a whole lot different then where I was a bit over 6 months ago. I'm laying in bed processing the past and what I'll do today. I'm on call at work but don't think I'll work. If I am off, gonna hit the gym, watch the Mariner's game, brain storm money making ideas outside of work and play some guitar. 

2 days ago I ran 15 1/2 miles as I prepare for the Rock n Roll Marathon here in Seattle, WA on June 18th, 2016. It's a tough process and at times I can't see the end result. I mean running a half marathon kicks my ass but I have faith that I will be able to conquer this and in the end, the physical effort will pay off with a mental victory. This is a huge thing for me. My life has changed so much and most things I do are to better my future and add positive vibes to my life. Having the run in the background helps me default. If other things run awry, I can focus at the task at hand and do something healthy and try something different. 

Smoking and drinking was a waste of money for me. It was a waste of days, life and breathe for me. I put myself through the ringer daily in order to keep doing the things I didn't want to do and in the end I just felt tired, guilty and alone. I was the boy who cried wolf over and over again with nothing to show in life. It was a sad existence stuck in the limbo of addiction. 

I have empathy for myself though. We are only humans. We are emotional. We love. We hate. We try our best. We need time to compute. We can only do so much daily. Addiction is a tough place to be. I was there for a 20 year period of my life, and know that all that I'm learning from being free is building a new foundation of core beliefs and high standards to live by daily. I am translating the fight into a way of life. Life isn't easy and addiction becomes a crutch and our closest friend when we feel all else around us may be crumbling. When we are heart broken or lose someone special. The addiction is always there to say "hey, lean on me. I have your back and I'll always be here for you thick and thin." 

That's why it's so damn hard to part at first. At a certain point though, enough truly is enough and you know you never need to go back. When nothing is changing and you've gone over the same information a million times and the truth still hits the same, you know it's time to only look forward and put words into action. We all have to learn at our own pace and can only change when we want to and truly desire to. 

I'm glad I got out of addiction. I know smoking will always be the same nicotine trap. I know it'll never be different and that's why I've made a personal promise that through anything. Through the simplest of problems to the biggest, I pledge and promise to always remain smoke and drink free no matter what I may face!

Adam
manifest your greatness

187 Dyz...Here To Learn

 I may sound emotional about this stuff, but it's because I care and I truly want to help others....... I wake up and pray. I eat and I pray. I go to sleep and I pray. I am not a religious person but a spiritual person. Being thankful and awake is what finally helped me quit. I stay thankful every day for the fact I am smoke free and drink free. Any time I feel I am being complacent or slipping, I take a deep breathe and I focus on the positive and the truth. I believe more and more every day that I can conquer any thing the fuck I want. 

I spent 10 plus years trying to quit and an 18 year period smoking...and boozing. Sooner or later you have to say yes or no. My message isn't about God but it's a message about finding your why....finding meaning in life...believing in yourself...doing not saying....staying true to your word....helping others....helping ourselves. I am still new to all of this so I am learning, but all this isn't about the cigarettes, it's about building a foundation where who we are, what we love, what we fight for, what we live for is more important than the instrument we used to use to hide from our pain, to hurt ourselves, to feel less than, to be destructive, to live in shame or regret. It doesn't matter whether it's cigarettes, nicotine or sugar. If it is being use to harm is negatively, it is a problem. 

Smoking is this place in our heads where we can put life on pause but after a while we realize all the time that is being wasted on something that isn't important. I wasted so much of my time just even in the fight of trying to quit I never want to go back. It's not easy, but you have to find or reconnect with what you love. It's time to live a different life. The life we always dreamed of for ourselves. It's not easy, but it is all there for us. Fuck everyone else. Fuck the people that pop up to say something isn't possible. 

When I first finally quit things 6 months ago, I came across a lot of people saying what I was doing wasn't possible. That I was going to fail because I did so many times before. Their is a certain point where something changes in our minds. We know we can't go back. We realize that this is it, that things are gonna change. You need to start focusing on how important that is. Keep it in the foreground of your life and mind. Think about what is truly important. It is a lot simpler than we make it out to be. 

154 Dayz...Learning to deal with stress

I made it out to the Big four Ice Caves with Travis today. It was an easy hike, the rain broke for us and it was very rewarding. I had a pretty busy work week but it felt good to be securing some money. On Sunday, last day of work week, I got off feeling fine but then went into another bit of a tail spin. 

 What I believed started happening was me feeling sorry for myself. I felt I had exerted so much energy helping others have a good time, I wanted someone to listen to my story and time to decompress and think about my week. I pretty much listened to Feven’s story though and I started feeling like no one cared to hear about my week. She was harmless, but I was stuck in my head and starting to feel I was getting grumpy. When I got home my roommate was in place on the couch. I also realized I had to get up early because Trav was picking me up for the Ice Cave trip.

I pretty much started feeling like I was doing all this shit for other people and I had no where to go and I felt lonely and unhappy. Didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere. Usually I would go to booze and smokes, but don’t have either of those. Now it’s tough sometimes for me to work through things and I need time but don’t always have it. Hanging with Feven I tried to leave 2 different times and I was having a hard time being my normal self. I was annoyed with her on different levels. I also started feeling we are in different places. She doesn’t work and is drinking and smoking. I stuck it through the night and met up with Trav the next morning. I had a great time with him exploring up in Granite Falls area at the Ice Caves. I was Hiking and taking photos and was so glad to have some time to get away once I was out there. When I came home I fell into a bit of a depression and had a food binge of sweets. I sent a text to Feven to see if we were good and she still hasn’t responded to me. It makes me feel bad and I’m afraid she spent the day drinking but that’s just my head feeling weird about things.

Anyways, I’m going through some shit. I want to be happy, healthy and having good times. For the most part I am, but it seems lately once a week I am getting depressed. I think It’s still from getting overwhelmed, feel like I’m not doing enough which in turn makes me feel not good enough and then I have to pull myself out of it because I don’t truly believe that. I know I’m good enough, I know I’m accomplishing a lot even in those lonely moments I don’t always think I feel the benefits.

I’m starting to look forward to working on my music and setting up my camping trips for the summer. I already quit the Sweet Dominiques, but I just see it as a step in the right direction to not second guess my music. I have some new gear and the gear to record my songs so I’m going to start chipping away on that as I prepare to play live. My friend who leads the Sweet Dominiques joined another band further along and he was trying to take two of my songs to use in the other band. I told him I didn’t write those for other people to use them. I also saw it as him giving me a salute to the power of my music and made me once again realize I need to own what I am capable of and share it with the world.

My friend Taylor won the lottery to hike the Enchantments in the September, so along with my road trip through Yellowstone on the way to a show at Red Rocks in August to see Lord Huron, it is already looking to be an amazing summer. I’m sure I will be taking a few other camping trips so I’m starting to check my gear and see what else I may need. I know I need some hiking pants that zip off into shorts and a new sleeping pad that is wider than the one I have. The one I have now isn’t wide enough for me and it feels like you are sleeping on the edge of a cliff all night that keeps you awake. Super annoying. May have a to drop a pretty penny, but it’ll be worth it for a good nights rest!

Ok. I feel I got most everything down. Needed to sort of vent. Hanging with Trav and letting myself just sleep at home really helped me take the load off and I feel ready to run errands and get a bit of a workout tomorrow without being too taxing. The work week starts the next day and I want plenty of down time to re-coop!

Adam
see you at the top!

5 months nic and alc free

This is the contract I wrote and signed the day I quit! It's on my wall and it is a great reminder that we have to remember why we quit and where we came from to get where we are today!



I had a really shitty few days towards the end of last week. I got all the way to the point where I had bought smokes, took one out of the pack and I had it in my mouth! When I was about to light it, the man from the bodega I bought them from came outside and lit up a cigarette. 



I hesitated and watched his actions. He let out a big puff and a sigh and I looked into the sunset. I remembered back to all the moments I had where I had lit up and wished I had a way out of the boredom and monotony of smoking. I could feel that stagnant notion where you feel burdened by the same old same old junky routine and wasted days over and over and over.

I started talking to the guy about how crazy of a car ride I had just taken through a storm and by then I had put the cigarette and lighter away. Before I had no doubt in my head I was gonna smoke and binge on alcohol, but I found myself coming back to reality. I took off in my car and gave the pack away and couldn't believe how close to the edge I had let myself get. 

I am so glad I didn't smoke. That has been my toughest moment yet. That was really scary. I'm really starting to slow my life down more and give myself to rest, eat healthy, work when need be and follow my hobbies. I was pushing myself too hard, and it was slowly turning into what felt like defeat, which led to me believing life was no better sober, which almost led me back to relapse. 

I have to remember to take a deep breathe, center myself and realize everything is going to be alright! It's time to take care of ourselves and to keep making progress, even if that means only a smoke free day lounging in sweat pants. That is still a day we didn't do the one thing that we don't want to do. It's still a day to feel accomplished

Have a great smoke free day friends!

Adam
150dyz

4 months smoke free

I'm tired of wasting time on things that aren't important. Family is important. Happiness and working towards it is important. Being ourselves, finding ourselves, healing ourselves and not letting anyone take these things from us is important. have a good day or night wherever you are. 

Today marks the longest quit I've had since 2005 when I threw away an 11 month quit. I don't really know how important this date is, I'm not trying to put a time stamp on anything. Quitting is one day at a time and smoking is no longer ever an option for me. NO MATTER WHAT!

Adam 

D107...The Dark Night of the Soul

Just a dream, but can't take it lightly. I had a nasty smoker's dream last night. I was in a dream within a dream. Even when I had gotten out of the nightmare of relapse, I talked to someone in my dream and they said that I truly had smoked. 

I was at some party, I don't even know the peeps in real life. I decided I'd drink even though I knew I was playing with fire. I started getting drunk and we were walking around town and I somehow either bought or got some smokes and started puffing away. As soon as I let that first one in, I couldn't stop and I started binge smoking, not caring how it was effecting me physically, mentally and especially emotionally. 

I could feel myself go to that place in my head where I separated myself from my surroundings. I knew I was doing something I didn't want to do and I felt the guilt and felt myself letting myself down....once again. That feeling was hitting me where life is stagnant, your just stuck in that same rut and it's just another night of wasting time and wishing you were doing something different, something productive or at least something that wasn't making you feel less than yourself. 

So I guess in the dream the night ended and I woke and talked to some guy who I guess was my friend and I said "I didn't smoke last night right? That was just a smoker's dream right?". He said "Adam, you did smoke last night". I asked him why he didn't stop me and I was mad at him. I truly can only be mad at myself because you can't rely on someone else, especially someone who smokes to keep "your quit" safe. 

I felt the regret, self-hate, sadness and the fact I couldn't take it back.  Smoking and relapse felt like a living nightmare. When I woke up my ears were ringing badly and I just hope this is all just me healing in different ways. Always so relieved when you wake up smoke-free, but we have to remember moments like this and the honest feelings that relapse releases into your body. All negative feelings that hurt the soul! I am not going back through that ever again!!! 

No one deserves that! 

Adam

Day #69...the Anger Step of Loss

You don’t have to read all of this. I just started writing to you and before I knew it, the page was full. I always seem to express most naturally when writing to you because you have never once judged me, and you have helped me so much. I can’t express my thankfulness to the fullest in just words!

Just needed to get some of these issues on paper. I need to figure things out. I don’t ever want to go back to smoking and most likely drinking is out of the picture too. I think I’m going through a different stage though and it’s the anger stage of loss.

I feel like a drama king right now. I guess I feel as if I’m not getting the benefits I want from quitting smoking. I feel like I’ve been going through the day noticing all the bad things no matter how big or small and blaming them on some so called force (maybe it’s the dark side) that is trying to get me to fail and give up and run off and drink and smoke, get fucked up, get numbed and hide from how hard I can be on myself and what I feel I may be doing wrong or messed up in life. I haven’t done that though because I know I won’t feel any better and it won’t answer any problems and I’ll just feel worthless. If I relapsed that would be me just believing the lies that I’m no good and not worth all this effort I’m putting out. I don’t believe I am no good. I truly believe the opposite and know how good of a guy I am and how much I care about life in general.

I’m working out and exercising to feel better but I’m feeling out of it or funky often. At the same time I go off and eat a bunch of junk food to make myself feel better or comforted. I think the funky feeling is from going from chain smoking and binge drinking to jogging often. Different levels of oxygen, body needing to heal, pushing myself too hard too fast, different stressers on the body etc.

I’m feeling I don’t have a way to take that edge off...that rush that smoking and drinking would do for me to numb and quiet my issues (the ones I’m facing right now). It’s hard getting used to always having to face things and learning how to cope with things or even put things off to tackle at a different moment….I don’t feel I know how to do that yet but learning.

I have tinnitus (constant ringing of the ears) that depresses me and there is no cure and I feel all the drinking and smoking made it worse along with all the NRT’s I used to use and abuse (I remember how they would make my ears ring really bad and give me vertigo etc.)

My ex who I’m still really close to visited Seattle and I set aside time according to her schedule. When she got to town she said she was too tired to hang out, but then visited me while at work when I couldn’t actually be a part of things. That really hurt me. I told her I didn’t want her to visit me at work because that annoys me when people pass that off as if actually hanging out with me. She did it anyways without realizing what it meant to me.

I still look back on an ex of mine and see what she paints as a happy and beautiful life, with a new partner, without me when I tried so hard to make things work between us, just to get shit on even though I knew my actions were valid at the time. I was more mature and ended things and I no longer want to be with her through all of this but it still makes me jealous to see that she has what she wants even through what she put me through…and she came back to apologize to me when I knew that would happen. I know it’s all in the eyes of the beholder and I’m learning to move on from that. Most important thing I learned from this is to really trust and listen to my heart and intuition. It will never lead me astray.

Sometimes when I feel down and out and I’m feeling lonely, I find myself going over the ex issue and it only makes me feel worse about myself as if I wasn’t good enough when the opposite is true. I know I need to keep seeking the love I’m looking for and not look down on myself through the eyes of someone else, when they aren’t even around. It’s just my head judging myself and my past regrets I need to come to terms with.

I just get tired of trying to be this nice guy sometimes. I get tired of trying so hard to free myself from my addictions and sometimes I just want to run off, get fucked up, feel sorry for myself and drown my sorrows. I know now though after years of that bullshit that it gets me no where and I’m still dealing with the aftermath, and still will for a while and have to keep my quit and have to keep moving forward and building new positive pathways and keep pushing through and never fucking give up! I try to be positive. I have been praying every morning, every night and every time I sit down to eat a meal. I try to give thanks and stay conscious to healing. I send out love through prayer to those in need and try to keep things in perspective. Even through all this, it’s tough sometimes to do it when feeling angry and out of it and burnt out.

I feel like I belong to a higher calling than working at a restaurant, barely scraping by, wishing I was a famous musician, with a family of my own and a closer tie to nature. I will be these things…I promise this! I will not be these things if I return to the shame spiral and get lost in the shadows of addiction. I will be more than that and this addiction will no longer ever control me. I can only do one day at a time and I’m trying the best that I can. I’m trying to do a million things at once but I have to keep reminding myself to take things slowly.

My mind was trying to fuck with me and say I should just go off the deep end and relapse and just start all over again on New Year’s Day but I know that’s a bunch of bull shit I can’t trust. It’s not rational thinking and will be a huge fucking let down. So I will not go there. I will not put my shoes on and run out the door and binge and feel sorry for myself and get angry at the dark sky. When I stare into the abyss it just stares right back, and I just feel that much more lonely and far away from where I want to be.’

I guess I needed a really big ramble. This is a tough time being in the no man’s land of my addiction. I know these are trying times and these are the times to push harder, be stronger and stay smart. I won’t lose my final quit! I won’t go back into the whole and just say that I tried but failed. I will not fail my quit anymore. I may fail elsewhere in life, but I will not fail my quit ever again…a promise I will take to my grave in honesty!

Adam

2 months alcohol and nicotine FREE!

I've posted this quote, seen others and will probably do it again. This to me, is the most important thing to remember on this journey. We've made the commitment, and it's our job to stay vigilant moment to moment and remember the promise we made to ourselves. 

I can see my mind using excuses to accept the negativity, to try and feel depressed and accept my downfalls as the end result. When I smoked, I was always answering it "yes, I believe that life is too hard, yes I will smoke and give in to the thoughts that I'm not good enough". That thought process became a habit every time I would answer the negative with another negative. We have to re-program our minds to end a negative with a positive instead. 

The "dark side" can be ever persistent, but we must show that we are in control, and that the show must go on. We can't look back to where we once were but to remember where we came from. I don't envy where I was. I felt like I was living in my own shadows and now I have come out to reveal my true nature and who I have always wanted to be. 

I guess I needed to ramble a bit. I've been a bit depressed and have had a few ailments holding me back, but life has been 1000% more enjoyable since I quit smoking. 

2 months quit and I couldn't be more thankful for all the friends and support here, and I'm so proud of my efforts in being smoke and drink free! 

Cheers, 
Adam

Day #43...Tomorrow's a New Day

Calling it an early night tonight. I had a good day and made it out for a 6 mile jog. I'm  at the end of it now though, and not feeling too good and sick of my back of mouth/ear issue I'm having. I have a doctor's appt. set for Monday, just gotta hold on for now. It doesn't seem too serious, but it is irritating the fuck out of me!


I get bursts of frustration and I feel something's out to sour my day, and that it won't end and won't give up. Well bring it on fucker! I'm not fucking smoking anymore! I'm not fucking drinking to lessen my resolve so I can relapse and smoke!

I just have to deal with it! Tonight I just crawled into bed early. I've gotta take it easy on myself. I want to be out conquering the world but my life is in repair mode. When I need a break, I gotta take a break. I have to remember I've been in addiction and relapse for years on end. I have quit smoking, but I have to take things slow now, and let things work themselves out in their own time!

Come what may I pledge and promise to remain smoke free for the rest of the day!

love you all and sleep well!

adam

Day #40...I won't give up

I still felt ok today, but I had a lot of irritated moments today. I keep on having ear, sinus, mouth issues. I don't know what the fuck it is, but it's bugging me and I just want to feel normal and not have head issues. I think with quitting and starting to work out I am healing and trying to get in shape at the same time and my body is trying to get used to the change. Trying to have patience but have had a few blow up moments where I get angry. 

It stems from quitting smoking and facing issues that I don't currently know whether they are temporary or permanent so I feel pissed....but I won't give up. In the past I would usually smoke about it. But that solves not a damn thing. I want to be quit. I don't want to smoke. I don't want to be a slave and I don't want to go back to the negativity and hide from facing my life and what I have to deal with. 

Had a decent day at work. I was out of it a bit and then I napped and went to dinner and movie with Brent. We had a good time and had some thai food and watched the final Hunger Games movie. It was all right. I know it could've been better but it was still decent. Anyways, it was a good day and happy to work tomorrow and then have a bit of time off. Can't wait for my head to feel a bit better and to get back out for a solid work out without feeling to wonky. 

Need to go for a doctor's check up soon and look into getting some contacs and following through at the eye doctor. I got discouraged because the contacs they gave me I can see well with, but I had vision problems with feeling out of touch and almost overly stressed from seeing too well. I don't know how to explain it, but I need to get back in there and find the right ones for me and not be afraid or discouraged that there won't be an answer, because I'm sure we can find a good balance for my eyes and balance etc. 

KTFQ

Adam

Learn How to not Smoke ~Gummer RP~

Only way to learn how to quit smoking is....to quit smoking!

 

Have a great day!

Adam

D29 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

LEARN HOW NOT TO SMOKE

From gummer on 8/4/2007 10:32:55 AM

This may seem simplistic... but the only way to learn how to NOT smoke is by NOT smoking. Really, just like a bike, you have to ride it to master it.

Any time you smoke it prevents you from learning what smoking really does and what it doesn't. Smoking after quitting is like throwing yourself off your bike just because you THINK you are going to run into something, or you THINK you can't make that curve... If you do not throw yourself off the bike, and you make the curve... THEN you will have learned a valuable lesson and you will become a better cyclist. Same with quitting.

NOT smoking is what will teach you that the cravings will go away whether you smoke or not. If you smoke you'll never find out.

NOT smoking is what will teach you that smoking didn't actually resolve a problem, that it had no effect on that problem. If you smoke you'll never find out.

NOT smoking is what will teach you that you only smoke because of addiction and that cigarettes otherwise give you nothing. If you smoke you'll never find out.

You must persevere. You must NOT smoke. That is what is going to teach you pretty much everything you need to know. Smoking at any time will deprive you of that knowledge.

Gummer

PS: All the misery yoiu are enduring is not caused by quitting. It was caused by years of smoking. Smoking did this to you. It's high time you got your revenge.

PPS: Try not to see quitting as a deprivation. Because smoking is the deprivation. Think about that... think about all the things smoking deprives you of... starting with freedom and independence.

Day #23...RISE FROM DARKNESS

TODAY, AT THE END OF THE DAY, I JUST FORCED MYSELF TO GO TO BED EARLY. THE DARKNESS WAS TRYING TO EAT ME UP AND GET ME TO DO THE THINGS I AM TRYING TO GET FREED FROM. JUST LIKE RISING FROM DARKNESS, I CAN WAKE TOMORROW, SMOKE AND DRINK FREE AND SHINE MY LIGHT FEELING FREE!


The craves were at bay until night time. I started wanting it all over again real bad. The booze and the smokes. My mind starts questioning me and trying to get me to believe that I'm just gonna give in sooner or later so what's all the fuss! FUCK THAT NOISE! I DON'T LISTEN TO THE JUNKY ANYMORE!!!


I refocused my head, pledged again to stay smoke and drink free for the night and got home as fast as I could.

I hate it and I hate how much the junky mind tries to go against me. It became such a habit for me to quit and then give in on the easiest of excuses. I'm not giving up on those excuses anymore! Fuck that!

Adam
KEPT THE FUCKING QUIT!

D23

EMERGENCY REFOCUS THE QUIT LIST ~RP~

 This is a great repost to go over when you need to refocus the quit or shut the old junky mind chatter up! Always find the support you need and never give up! Smoking is giving up! NOPE!

Adam
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today is a great day to get geared up and prepared for your quit process. 

Revisit your motivations: 
Why are you really interested in keeping this quit? 
What will you gain from being a nonsmoker? 
Is your quality of life important to you? Why? 
Who is supporting you through this? 
How will they support you? 

ASK for support and be specific about what you need! Revisit your quit process: What has worked well in previous quits? What has worked well in the past 15 days? Write it down! Do more of it. What has not worked so well? 

Stress issues? What are 5 things you can do that are relaxing and comforting to you? Write it down. Do them! Boredom? What are 5 things you can do that are fun and rewarding? Write it down. Do them! Depression? This happens, quit or not. 

Day to day life, moods in general, people, situations, lack of interest ...it happens if you are bored or stressed or dwelling on what you are missing instead of what you enjoy. Keep your activity levels up and reach out to friends and family. Do something fun or meaningful instead of dwelling on stopping smoking. 

 Missing cigarettes? When do you miss them? What are you REALLY needing in that moment? What can you do that is inspirational and of value to you, personally? Really think it through, write it down, and do it. Commit to practicing those new behaviors every day for the next 2 months of your quit process. 

Now, add your personal, well thought out answers to the following: How will you be relaxing and rewarding and unwinding and enjoying and comforting and entertaining and cheering yourself up each and every day? 

 List at least 10 possible activities. Do one of them every time you feel like you cannot make it without a smoke. 

How will you address habitual triggers like after meals, morning coffee, socializing, reading, watching TV, driving, between tasks and so on? List at least 10 possible distractions. Do one of them every time you feel like you cannot make it without a smoke. 

Remember, instead of doing 'nothing' ~ get busy! Create new rituals and new patterns and new activities and new habits and new thoughts to replace the old cigarettes and the current void. Practice actively living as a nonsmoker each and every day by engaging in these new behaviors and new emotional coping tools and new habits. That way, you will not feel stressed or bored or anxious or lost. And you will not start 'romancing' the cigarettes. 

If you actively 'Fill the Void', you will not have room or reason to miss smoking! Stopping smoking can literally save your life. It is well worth taking the time and effort to move forward as a nonsmoker! 

Good luck, keep up the good work, keep going and KTQ! 
Vikki Q Counselor

Day #5...Stand Alone in Victory

This was me today! I felt alone in my efforts but found support at the Quitnet Forum. I Had multiple people trying to get me to go smoke tonight at one of my best friend's wedding. On day 5 here and I told these people to go away, that I wasn't smoking and that I wouldn't go outside DAMMIT! Get the fuck outta here haha!! 

It was a tough moment. I saw myself doing it and I knew I had to get away and distract myself. I've invested too much already in just a few days and made it through too many important battles already. I can't just throw my quit in the trash like garbage. I am too invested and I have others invested in my endeavors too. NO MORE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF!!!

It helped not drinking and I'm glad to be going to sleep sober and ready for tomorrow. Gonna return the tux, get a workout and then head to work. I've been picking up extra shifts to keep busy and to help may off some bills and get back on top of my money situation. 

Just needed to type and get this day done and over with. I'm proud of my buddy for getting married. He's been working hard and gets to relax now in Fiji and New Zealand. 

I'm so thankful and proud of myself. Happy to be home smoke free. Thankful for the early chance to stay strong and conquer a big moment in the quit so early. 

bed time

Adam
D5
KTFQ

Acceptance ~RP~

 Becoming OK with discomfort solves all problems of procrastination, anger, anxiety, regret, fear and facing the things you think are bigger than you. It also helps deeply with getting through cravings and on to the other side of addiction. 

BECOME OK WITH DISCOMFORT. Face it, invite it and embrace it daily!

Adam
D4
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Comments on Cravings

From Robert1 on 5/5/2001 8:08:23 PM

Good day friends.

Here are some comments on cravings from my experience. I hope they may help someone.

For the first few months of my quit, I white knuckled it and fought the cravings tooth and nail. However the demon is strong and patient - over time I found that I was wearing down and my quit was in jeopardy. I was afraid I would cave in. My prayers were answered and I was shown a new recovery tool - ACCEPTANCE.

I was told that I should accept the cravings rather than fight them. Let them wash over me and know that they will pass because cravings always do. Well once I started accepting my cravings, they lost their power over me and I knew that I was now on the road to recovery. My experience is that the cravings become weaker and farther apart over time. Mine just faded away and I haven't had a real craving to smoke for a long time.

A craving is a sign that the addiction is in trouble and is fighting for its life. Cravings are really signs of healing and recovery, even though it doesn't feel that way.

Refusing to accept cravings is what I did when I smoked. Between cigarettes I would go in to withdrawals, the craving would come and I would smoke because I would not accept it. If I accept the craving, I don't have to smoke.

Cravings always pass whether I smoke or not.

Nobody in the history of the world has ever died from a craving.

Ever since I quit smoking I have heard the stories about people craving after many years. Well that has not been my experience. I suffered lots of emotional ups and downs and horrendous cravings - but that has all gone by now and I am feeling great. I have not had a craving to smoke for a long time.

I recommend that we do not compare our quit to that of others because we are all somewhat diferent. Some of us recover quickly and others more slowly. The bottom line is that WE ALL DO RECOVER - Just so long as we don't take that first puff.

Your friend in recovery

Bob (aka Robert1)

Smoked forty years

Quit April 25, 1999

Day #2...Write a New Script

Had to reach out for big time support today. It was one of the toughest days craving wise I've ever had but that's almost what pushed me through the day. I think the big trigger was going back to work and having down time there. I usually get really bored, wishing I wasn't there or at least that I was making money. I'd then go smoke outside out of boredom. I had to yell out loud in my car that I wouldn't smoke on my way home from work, and that I wouldn't throw my quit and treat it like garbage.

When things started to get really tough, I had to post on the Quitnet Forum. I don't think I had another way to make it through that moment. The junky heard a song that was pretty emotional, which made me emotional and then I wanted to smoke. The junky said "You're going to get emotional and smoke sooner or later, so might as well now!"

I know that seems like a small thought. Someone didn't die, I didn't get my heart broken....but it doesn't matter how big or small, the junky will try to get you to smoke in any way, form or fashion it can. It doesn't matter how, relapse always hurts the same. It only has one job to do, and that is to get you to smoke using whatever method may work or has been proven to work. This method of "you'll get emotional and just smoke sooner or later" has worked a thousand different times. Tonight I get to go to sleep saying IT DID NOT WORK!

I re-wrote the script. I contacted support and yelled out loud saying I would not smoke, and I stood up for myself! One moment, one victory at a time with a plan in place when going into different moments throughout the day! Now I get to write this positive blog post instead of off somewhere chain smoking and feeling like I can't make that change I've been wanting for years on end.

I am thankful to be smoke free today and am proud of myself knowing I get to wake up smoke free tomorrow and not dreading the day, wishing I had the guts to take control of my life and make that change!

Adam
D2

Day #1...Rebuilding My Life

...This is how I feel today. I've been going through all the sludge over and over again. I feel I've hit rock bottom once again, but need to see it as my foundation. Things can only get better from here by me staying on my true and personal path. Relapse has been the same streets, same brainwashing and not moving on. 

I started my quit at 1pm today. I'm happy about it but feeling the crave, withdrawal right now and especially the anger of all this addiction has taken from me. It's taken a lot of my pride, self confidence, trust, belief, money, health, time and love for myself. I've seen it as my "through thick and thin" over the years, but it is suffocating me and keeping me from the life I love and want to be a part of. Time to let it go like a bad relationship. Their are always residuals, but day by day things get better and better, and you start to naturally think about it less.

Addiction is always being controlled and having to think about it. Always feeling crazy like I have a problem. My problem is that I'm a nicotine addict and I connect it to all my emotions, and I have to break the chains that bind one moment at a time.

I'm thankful that I am going to bed smoke free and look forward to a successful day tomorrow! One day at a time!

Adam
D1

advice for a friend...

This is advice I gave a friend that I thought would even be good advice for myself. We are always good at giving others advice, now it's time to listen to what we have to say for ourselves also!

Have faith, one day at a time. anytime you have a crave reach out, talk it out, wait through it. You know what the answer is for smoking. I've been there and done that too. I barely have the right to say these things but I hope it keeps hope alive for both of us. I'm still in the thick of it every day but I'm not giving up or in this time. Gotta keep on going. I told myself whatever it takes this time. no excuse in the world to smoke no matter how low or high things go, smoking has nothing to do with these things.

Adam
D43
NOPT