CLOSE THE DOOR!!!
800 days free from the slavery that went along with smoking. Happy New Year to everyone! Not around here much, but I do always keep this site as my default web page. I quit drinking in order to quit smoking and haven't touched either since. Alcohol was the door I kept open. Alcohol was the hole I kept falling in. Quitting both is what finally helped me close the door on the relapse world I was living in for 10 years. I had to realize that if I drank, I smoked. If I smoked, I drank. Different for everyone. That is my reality.
It's nice now to help other people that are beginning their path to freedom. One thing I tell everyone is that you have to close the door on those things that give you an excuse to smoke. Each person has those few thoughts, or few people, or few feelings, or few places....whatever it is, that gets you to brake and reach for nicotine when you know you don't want it. You have to be 100% honest with yourself, and face those things, and close the door on them. It's good to know others have been through the tough stuff and that they understand those things you have felt and gone through.
I know I may not be saying anything new, but I have a true testament of what it takes to be free from the bondage of addiction. I know I can never have another puff...not one little puff. I know if I drink alcohol, I will sooner or later reach for a smoke. I tried to defy the odds a million times, with the same result every time. I'd be back to my 15 a day and hating myself for it. Exercise and clean living take a back seat when I'm smoking. Binge drinking ensues and bad eating habits make me put on an extra 25 lbs. That's the reality. That's the shame spiral that I was in for 20 years (Not that my story is the worst, but I was very unhappy).
Close the door on those things you know in your heart are holding you back and only offer negativity. Close the door on those things you are afraid to let go of. That is the only way you'll truly be able to embrace your quit and free yourself from the phantom limbs of addiction!
Adam
Happy New Year
694 days quit! I smoked for 20 years, and for 10 years I was a serial quitter. I could barely quit for more than a few hours or a few days! Just got back from Italy and being out there and all alone I had to deal with some thoughts. I knew I wouldn't smoke or drink, but our addictive minds will dig deep sometimes to see if we still have the power to say no.
It's a big NOPE for me. I was so irritated with all the smokers everywhere in Italy. It was always in the air and grossed me out. I felt that was a good sign! So glad I don't smoke. I wasn't suffering while on vacation. In the past I always tried to quit while on vacation. I didn't have to deal with the tug of war, achy heart and fatigue....and just plain gross feeling hovering and clogging my oxygen and mind while sweating. Keep the quit!
Picture is from the Dolomites in Northern Italy!
Adam
I don’t know why but this man (Wayne Dyer) speaks to me so well. I’m sure he connects with a lot of people and that is why he made it to where he did in his lifetime. It was great to read this as I settled in to bed.
I haven’t had too many telling me not to follow certain goals. I think those voices for me have more been in my own head. I am learning how to hang a “Do Not Disturb! Brilliant Mind at Work!” sign on the door of my mind for those thoughts that try to distract or keep me from my dreams and aspirations.
Adam
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If you want to find a deeper meaning in your life, you won’t find it in the opinions or the beliefs that have been handed to you. Rather than trying to be what everyone else expects you to be, live your life by your own rules to be happy and find inner peace.
Your imagination is your own fertile field for growing any seedlings that you choose to plant for a future harvest.
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You may have been told that you have always been a dreamer, as if this were a fault. I can speak here from experience. Family, friends, teachers, and even advisors frequently disparaged ideas that burned brightly in my imagination. I often heard comments such as, “Wayne, you’re such a dreamer. Get real. You are never going to make it as a writer, or a television performer, or a movie personality. Be realistic—we know what’s best for you.”
When I was being discharged from the Navy at the age of 22, my superiors warned me that starting college at my “advanced age” was loaded with uncertainty, particularly since I had no higher education experience, and I would be competing with younger recent high school graduates. Since I already had a skill as a cryptographer in the Navy, they advised me to pursue what they felt was best for me. But I had a dream—an imagination filled with the idea of teaching, writing, and speaking to large audiences. I saw myself onstage. I saw myself as a prominent author. And this vision could not and would not be sabotaged by someone else’s vision of what I should or could become.
As a young boy in a foster home, I almost always ignored other people’s ideas about what I should be thinking or doing—I simply was indifferent to their opinions regarding what I could imagine for myself. I have carried this kind of inner discipline regarding my own imagination with clarity, refusing to allow external opinions to cancel or diminish what for me was hallowed ground.
Many years later, I was advised that acting in a movie was not sensible for me as a 68-year-old man with no acting experience. I once again remembered to hang the DO NOT DISTURB sign at the entrance to my imagination, and proceeded to take acting lessons and adopt the self-enforced regimen that allowed me to create a movie. It is a product that fills me with pride—all because I have diligently practiced the following rule:
Never, and I mean never, allow anyone else’s ideas of who you can or can’t become sully your dream or pollute your imagination. This is your territory, and a KEEP OUT sign is a great thing to erect at all entrances to your imagination.
Stay in a state of grace and gratitude for this resplendent gift that is always yours to do with as you choose.
— Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
HAPPY NEW YEARS!
I'm making it okay to make mistakes this year. I know the more I fail, the closer I get to success.
There is one thing I will not fail at! Smoking will not be a mistake I make this year! In fact I don't even see smoking as a mistake, because it is a choice. I will choose not to smoke this new and beautiful year! I have already learned from serial quitting what failure is with smoking.
I don't need to reiterate that ever again.
I've been through so much shit the last 2 1/2 months there is now way I want to go back through all that. I get thrown off that others are still relapsing, but I know I have to keep my guard up and connected at all times.
I know how horrible relapse is and how much better it is to be free. I'm still working every day towards this and not listening to the excuses but it has been a tough fight sometimes more emotionally because of all the relapse and suffering I went through.
Anyways, glad it's a new year. I've been struggling with the fact I'm quitting drinking, especially on a night like new year. Feel I couldn't let loose with everyone but I know I can't drink and had an NA beer and that held me over a bit. That's why I signed up for extra work.
My New Years resolutions are to become more spiritually connected with myself and surroundings, get my music up and running and fully active, be in nature as much as possible and get a hold on my money situation.
I hope you have a few things in mind though I know some people don't see it different as any other day. With my new quit I see it as an opportunity to celebrate and keep moving forward.
Any moment smoke free is a moment to celebrate! Cheers to a NEW SMOKE FREE YEAR!
Adam
D74
It was nice having a day free to relax and do as I pleased without the interference of smoking cigs or boozing it up! We celebrated Christmas as a family last weekend, so just doing what I want. When I felt like moving I went for a run around the lake. Didn't think I would because my back was acting up pretty bad yesterday, but it didn't feel too bad today. Then I went to go see Star Wars: The Force Awakens with Brent. We had a great time and it was just important to hang out with some family especially my brother who has pretty much been my best friend since I've been back from NYC.
Anyways, I feel good making it through my tough battle last night and conquered Christmas smoke free! I'm so ready to finish the end of this year smoke free and celebrate a new year that will be my first full year smoke and alcohol free. A long journey ahead but one day at a time is all we have. I have a lot of things I want to do in the next year and I'm excited to be on my way. Every moment smoke free is a moment to rejoice and feel pride for one's life and interests!
Merry Christmas and KTFQ NO MATTER WHAT!
Smoking is never again a choice I make. Smoking is off the table and a thing of my past!
Adam
D67
onward and upward!
might be a real slow day today. Didn't have to work, have a bit of a head cold pissing me off. Just wanna feel 100% dangit! Have to be patient.
Had a great T-day with friends and family. No nic or alc! It's good to experience these kind of events. They really help me feel content with my decision to be making this big change and I am happy for it. I had a lot of annoyance moments today, but am trying to stay patient and just let today be today. My roommates mother was in town. I took her to one of my favorite parks to at least get outside for a while. Day after T-day and a lot of people were at Discovery Park, but it didn't bother me. It was a beautiful day and I was happy to chat with someone I really didn't know.
It's become a new thing to overcome meeting someone and find out what they are like, what their life is like, where/when/what they come from and find our differences, what we both believe in and think is funny, what we love, how we see the world etc. It's a refreshing experience and really helps you think a bit harder about who you are and what you believe in when put on the spot.
Come what may I pledge and promise to remain smoke and drink free today!
Adam
I'm trying to heed this quote. Work has been slow and I've been sick. I want to use the time to relax, reflect and keep my quit in order and not have stress. My mind though, has been slipping into worry about money and what to do. I know I can only do what I am doing at the moment. I'm also wishing I was getting into shape, but can't work out because I've been sick. I did go for a walk today through Carkeek Park and that felt good.
I don't know. Now is the time for me to just keep making one small step at a time, and to not be in any rush. also feel behind on my music, and all my smoking, relapse, addiction and the shame spiral involved keeps me from reaching my goals.
So instead, I see this all as a time to reflect, and to gain strength and know what I want to put my energy in to. I want to be more financially sound. Money isn't too important to me, but it's nice not to have to think about it and with no drinking or smoking, that in itself will help me out. With all the time I save from not being hung over and/or binge smoking and feeling gross I can be working on my music on my free time. I also have more motivation to work and save money and stick around and work if someone else doesn't want to.
I'm also looking into side things I can do to make money by just buying and selling shit on ebay. My dad has made a living doing that for about 8 years. I will only do it part time, but I think I'll do it just for something else for money, to keep myself busy and to be more self-supportive and capable.
Anyways, worry only wastes time. It comes and goes and it's there for a reason, but I want to turn my worry into positive reactions, instead of negative smoking out of self-pity and over drinking to combat the fact I'm smoking and doing the one thing I don't want to ever do again.
I'm thankful to be smoke free and drink free. I'm thankful for all the insight I am finding along the way. I'm thankful for this chance to be changing my life daily. I'm thankful for knowing what I want out of life and what will propel me forward to make the vision I have for myself a reality!
Adam
D12
Happy Halloween
