Good morning everyone! I'm still around!
I had what seems to be my 10th smoking/drinking dream of the winter. So much guilt, shame, feeling of being alone and stuck in a cycle. I don't know why I've been having so many at this point in my quit. I think it's because I have had some depression and the passing thought comes of what would happen if I relapsed like I did in the past. It's not an actual though of intention, but a thought of taking myself through the steps to remember how much of a let down and negative space to be in. The thought leaves quickly because I will not smoke/drink and it scares the heck out of me and sounds completely gross!
I am 110% committed to my quit! I'm glad in the end I'm having these dreams because it teaches me all the misery of the "shame spiral" I used to go through when I was relapsing over and over and over and over again.
Off to work now, just wanted to get that out of my system, say hello and document the journey I am on. I still focus daily on my quit and renew my commitment as often as needed! Have a great day you guys and keep the quit. Keep it for yourself, no one else can take that away from you!
Adam
D464
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