I don't want to smoke at all. Sounds gross and pointless, so it's not happening. I just want to feel sorry for myself and that's why I used to smoke and drink. To feel sorry for myself.
I got off of work and just felt exhausted. Exhausted from working so hard at life in general and then feeling not good enough. I have head issues that can't be fixed. I have tinnitus. All I can really fix is my diet, but then I went and binged on sweets, fell asleep and woke with my head ringing and feeling way out of it and depressed.
I feel alone right now and annoyed. I don't feel I can have my own private time at home except in my own room. I'm busy and gone all the time but my roommate is always sitting on the couch. All she does is work and then come home and sit on the couch. Tomorrow I am driving north to have practice with my band for the first time but the thought of it is exhausting.
I don't feel ready, I'm out of practice and I feel I'm suppose to show up and wail on the guitar but I'm not ready. Anyways, I'm just frustrated about what feels like every little thing right now.
I'm trying to shake it. I don't want to give up and throw in the towel. Smoking wouldn't do a damn thing but make me feel gross and make things worse...I know that already. Just sort of need to ride it out and think of the positive and pray.
Have a great night. Keep moving forward even if that means just being smoke free for another day!
Adam
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