The main healthy choices I've made is that I run on a constant basis and my diet has been better for the most part. When I was binging on booze and smokes I also didn't care what else went in my body.
10 months sober and smober. Seems like I finally have woken from the nightmare of addiction that was replaying like Groundhog's Day for years! It was like I was watching the same movie over and over again, with the same results every time I relapsed. The guilt and shame would rush in.
One of the greatest gifts is not having to feel that let down over and over and over anymore. I don't have to feel like a bad person ever again! I still work at it and stay on guard every day. I pray for strength and love for myself and others.
Thanks to everyone here. I love to help others and the help I've gotten is priceless! Love you guys and keep the quit!
Adam
any day smoke free is a day of progress!
(My response to Troutnut's Post):
The universe is right and real in its connection. I have walked the same path and you have helped me dearly in putting down the bottle and the sickarettes. I'm tearing up right now in happy revelation that their are others out there that know what it's like. Those who have felt that same tug of war. I'm so thankful for your amazing words and I am one of your biggest fans. In the end I didn't go the AA route, but I did go to Nicotine Anonymous (though not on my last and final quit). I learned what it means to surrender, and to pray and to take it day by day. This place means the world to us and I'm always happy to have this refuge even if just knowing you all are here when I can't make it.
You touched me deeply today and wanted to let you know how much I care and that we are out here.
Adam
any day smoke free is a day of progress
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Finally, it got nasty. Really nasty. I had known for a very long time that I had crossed it. Both with my smoking and my drinking. I remember knowing for at least ten years. I don't remember when it was that I crossed it exactly, and it certainly wasn't marked very well. You would think something that important, that life and death, would be marked more clearly and carefully. People could get seriously hurt not knowing. But eventually, I got it. I knew. Even though it was invisible, I could see it. And I was over. WAY over! What I thought were just a couple of bad habits turned out to be far worse when I took the cute little words and colorful sugar coating off of them. The medical and psychiatric field labeled my smoking and drinking as concurrent chronic multiple terminal diseases. Holy cow! Obviously now, I could see it was kind of serious. Far more serious than a few little vices and bad habits. This was a race to see which could kill me first. Alcohol or tobacco? A true dead heat!
So I finally admitted, to my innermost self, that I had crossed the invisible line. And that it was killing me. That much was clear. And I knew that I had to do something about it Immediately. So TODAY, that was the day. But I didn't want to tell anyone about it. I didn't want to break any promises. And I definitely wanted to do it on my own! That much was clear. Nobody could know. And then after I had done it, THEN I could tell people about it. Just in case I didn't make it, you know? I didn't want to disappoint anyone again.
But how would I go about it? That was the question. I just needed to figure that out. But my brain was pretty muddled with 30 years of drinking and smoking. So I figured out I better just have a drink and a cigarette first, just so my mind would function you know. Next thing I was passed out, or blacked out. And I had postponed it again. It was like the movie "Groundhog Day", only with beer, wine, hard liquor, and sickarettes.
And so it went. The AA Big Book said "Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death." Ditto with sickarettes. Insanity X 2.
Several years later, I stood that those gates. Utterly defeated. I dragged myself to an AA meeting on 11/23/1998. I finally surrendered. A couple of years later I used what I had learned in AA to quit smoking on 2/28/2001. And that worked too. Quit-net was instrumental in my recovery and I stick around to share what I have learned, and bring hope to those who have crossed the line like I did.
I don't know who this message is for today. Every so often I get a message from the universe that there is someone else like me out there. Someone who is on the verge of figuring this out. And re-creating themselves as I needed to. To the best possible version of themselves from the worst possible version. A metamorphous! I know this will be hard to believe, but millions of us now know it is the truth. You don't have to be a drug addict or a boozer to fit in and be cool. The new cool is being healthy, sober, and drug free. Even Hollywood stars are figuring it out. You don't ever need to make yourself sick with drugs or alcohol again if you don't want to. Reality is very cool.
If you are home alone trying to figure this out like I did, then you are home alone with, and taking advice from, a drug addict. My experience has been that does not not usually work out too well. But here we have access to hundreds of good folks that have found their way out of the cave. And they can show you precisely how they got out. If you can just bring yourself to listen. If you are anything like me in these regards, your life probably depends on getting this right. Give it your all! Ask for help. Yell and scream for help if you have to.
Your friend in Montana,
Troutnut1 (dennis)
Quitting smoking or alcohol or any addiction is 1 day, one moment at a time. It's all we have. I quit smoking and had to quit drinking also. That sort of was the key for me. Life is completely different, with a different focus every day.
Stick around. Always reach out for help, even when you think you know you're gonna relapse. Post and get help first. I've had a couple moments where I convinced myself completely I was gonna smoke. Even had the cig in my hand....then I thought it all through, went back and got help, stayed the course. I never want to talk lightly about getting that close to smoking, believe me, It scared the shit out of me and I learned my lesson to love myself and to not let anything change that.
Every victory is so damn worth it. Cigs are bullshit. They are a waste of life, we all know that. Time to focus on something different, something bigger. It's time to focus on the meaning of our lives and what we can do to make it better for ourselves and especially those around us!
Have a great day!
Adam
Do something nice for somebody else today. That's my mission. Not just one person, but throughout the day. I've noticed I get all wrapped up in my own little world. Worrying about what this and that means, worrying about who cares, who doesn't care, worrying about who hurt me and have I tried hard enough....it's all just a mess and does nothing for me. I'm gonna put my energy into helping others today. Change my ways.
Adam
Any day smoke free is a day of progress
Haha girl problems got me down. I'm bigger than that! Ended one relationship to start dating a girl who has a boyfriend. Liked her a lot but had to end it because I felt bad for the guy and I was the dispensable one. It also sorta makes you feel less than yourself and I'm better than that.
Gonna get out for a jog and hang with a friend tonight. Gotta move on. Plenty of fish in the see, without all the baggage!
Come what may I pledge and promise to remain smoke and drink free today! Neither of these solve anything. They just keep you in what I have always called the shame spiral!
Sometimes you have to do the work and put yourself in a better mood knowing how great you are! KTQ
Snagged this quote from @Val C. Thanks Val!
Adam
Life feels so different today. Lots of things going on. Lots of things showing me who I truly am, especially since I escaped the clouds of addiction. It feels good to touch base with your real self and be proud of who you are and who you know you are becoming.
When I smoked and drank I desired a different life, I desired to be a different person. I've found out I am not a different person, but who I was meant to be!
Have a great day my friends and KTQ
Adam
any day smoke free is a day of progress!
