Day #6...Empowered against Fear!

If you feed negativity, that's what you'll get back from the universe. If you feed beauty and thankfulness, you'll see it and greet it in all things as you go through the day. Beautiful things and feelings can happen when you empower who you are and what you want to attract. I've been quit almost a week and have already had some pretty amazing experiences to be proud of. These moments, every little moment I am free from my addiction and the baggage that goes with it, I am protecting my quit and building a stronger foundation. A foundation shaped like a mountain where every piece is built up, and move and roll like boulders to find their natural fit in this stable structure. 

Every time I take a step away from addiction and the behaviors that take me down the old path, the same old path riddled with holes and quick sand...I am finding the positive things that I love that fit into place. I always knew they would. Whether it is music, pray, meditation, healthy eating, jogging, working out, writing, drawing, DIY projects....they all offer love and meaning to my life no matter how simple or complicated. 

I am thankful to be on day #6 and already feeling so many benefits, especially on a spiritual level. It is that connection with myself, nature, friends, family and god that I know I have wanted that has been missing, or at least on the back burner to my smoking addiction and the shame spiral it puts me in. 

I have pledged to make this a smoke and drink free day, and so it shall be no matter what I may face along the way! It's not easy, but it is doable and I have no more excuses. I have so many amazing ways to find and get support any time of the day. NO MORE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF. 

ALL THESE WORDS INTO ACTION!!

Finally feel I am on my true path and I know I have to stay steadfast daily and use all my methods that add up to my plan as much as needed, no matter where or what time of day.

Pray
Quitnet
Exercise
Rest
Privacy
Friendship
Love
Reading
Writing
Music......

KTQ!!

Adam
D6

Day #5...Stand Alone in Victory

This was me today! I felt alone in my efforts but found support at the Quitnet Forum. I Had multiple people trying to get me to go smoke tonight at one of my best friend's wedding. On day 5 here and I told these people to go away, that I wasn't smoking and that I wouldn't go outside DAMMIT! Get the fuck outta here haha!! 

It was a tough moment. I saw myself doing it and I knew I had to get away and distract myself. I've invested too much already in just a few days and made it through too many important battles already. I can't just throw my quit in the trash like garbage. I am too invested and I have others invested in my endeavors too. NO MORE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF!!!

It helped not drinking and I'm glad to be going to sleep sober and ready for tomorrow. Gonna return the tux, get a workout and then head to work. I've been picking up extra shifts to keep busy and to help may off some bills and get back on top of my money situation. 

Just needed to type and get this day done and over with. I'm proud of my buddy for getting married. He's been working hard and gets to relax now in Fiji and New Zealand. 

I'm so thankful and proud of myself. Happy to be home smoke free. Thankful for the early chance to stay strong and conquer a big moment in the quit so early. 

bed time

Adam
D5
KTFQ

Acceptance ~RP~

 Becoming OK with discomfort solves all problems of procrastination, anger, anxiety, regret, fear and facing the things you think are bigger than you. It also helps deeply with getting through cravings and on to the other side of addiction. 

BECOME OK WITH DISCOMFORT. Face it, invite it and embrace it daily!

Adam
D4
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Comments on Cravings

From Robert1 on 5/5/2001 8:08:23 PM

Good day friends.

Here are some comments on cravings from my experience. I hope they may help someone.

For the first few months of my quit, I white knuckled it and fought the cravings tooth and nail. However the demon is strong and patient - over time I found that I was wearing down and my quit was in jeopardy. I was afraid I would cave in. My prayers were answered and I was shown a new recovery tool - ACCEPTANCE.

I was told that I should accept the cravings rather than fight them. Let them wash over me and know that they will pass because cravings always do. Well once I started accepting my cravings, they lost their power over me and I knew that I was now on the road to recovery. My experience is that the cravings become weaker and farther apart over time. Mine just faded away and I haven't had a real craving to smoke for a long time.

A craving is a sign that the addiction is in trouble and is fighting for its life. Cravings are really signs of healing and recovery, even though it doesn't feel that way.

Refusing to accept cravings is what I did when I smoked. Between cigarettes I would go in to withdrawals, the craving would come and I would smoke because I would not accept it. If I accept the craving, I don't have to smoke.

Cravings always pass whether I smoke or not.

Nobody in the history of the world has ever died from a craving.

Ever since I quit smoking I have heard the stories about people craving after many years. Well that has not been my experience. I suffered lots of emotional ups and downs and horrendous cravings - but that has all gone by now and I am feeling great. I have not had a craving to smoke for a long time.

I recommend that we do not compare our quit to that of others because we are all somewhat diferent. Some of us recover quickly and others more slowly. The bottom line is that WE ALL DO RECOVER - Just so long as we don't take that first puff.

Your friend in recovery

Bob (aka Robert1)

Smoked forty years

Quit April 25, 1999

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters ~Portia Nelson~

listened to Wayne Dyer and his 10 tips to success in life.

His #9 was "Walk Down Another Street"

He had become friends with the woman who wrote the poem 'Autobiography in 5 short chapters'. Her name is Portia Nelson and she is actually from Seattle, where I'm from.

His #10 tip was "Don't die with your music still inside you"

This is a subject I've been thinking a lot about lately. I know I still have so much to share but my life feels it is being wasted in this limbo of addiction. It is truly time to take that other street and I know I am on it

I am honestly so touched by these things and these teachings. I feel like the universe is speaking to me and showing me the road map to my future. It's so cool to see how profound this poem is to Wayne, to my friend Cara who showed it to me and that it's what she's been trying to get through to me.

It's all coming together.

Adam

D4
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"Autobiography In Five Short Chapters"

by Portia Nelson

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in,

I am lost, I am helpless,

It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find my way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in the same place.

But it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it there.

I still fall in; it’s a habit.

My eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It’s my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

Quitting smoking,

living smoke-free, and 

recovering from nicotine addiction 

involve walking down another street.

Day #4...don't die with your music inside you

I had my friend's uncle talk to me about music and pursuing it tonight at the wedding dress rehearsal, and here you are talking about it and saying I need to dive right in, what am I waiting for!! I've also been watching and reading a lot of Wayne Dyer stuff and he says over and over "do not die with your music still inside of you". 

I know that's figurative, but for me it truly is music....I will delve into my music. I will stay busy and do those things that are important to me. You are right. I agree with me having too much time on my hands to focus on all the rush of emotions that comes out the gate. I know that this rush is happening, I know it's part of the process and then I use it as an excuse to feel sorry for myself and in the end I usually relapse. Not usually....every time I end up in relapse.

I have to do things differently and get active in my smoke-free life and not wallow in all the shit that comes rushing in. I focus too much on those things that get me to relapse, and then guess what....I relapse. 

MUSIC
NATURE
SPIRIT
SERVICE
EXERCISE
HEALTH
PRAYER
MEDITATION
IMAGINATION
POSITIVITY
LOVE
FAMILY 
FRIENDS...........

This is where my focus shall be

Adam
D4

Day #3...Hell and Back

This is how I will see today. I have my quit started, and made it through a tough day and on to the next. Today is a day about other people. I am going to my buddie's dress rehearsal and dinner for his wedding in 2 days on Saturday. I know quitting smoking will set in motion a series of new paths and events. I know I will find myself in different places and on interesting journeys that I would not have embarked on if I was still smoking. NOPE

I am not going to let what other people say get to me or put me down when I made it through a tough day and I didn't smoke. I feel proud of myself and have made it through one tough battle and onto the next day with a little help from my friends. It doesn't matter how big or small the "excuse", they all lead to relapse. 

I did it by using my "plan" and getting the support I needed to keep me in the present and away from the thoughts that the junky has used multiple times before to break down my will and get me to smoke. I'm not trying to spark "drama", I'm trying to get to the root of the problem and put out the fire. By getting help, I was able to identify what sparked my cravings and extinguish them and stay in the moment. 

In the end I know it comes down to "you don't smoke, no matter what", but I still had a real life crave episode and had to do something about it to diffuse the bomb and keep myself from throwing my quit away like meaningless trash, because that's how I have been treating it for years. Day is just beginning so I'll be back to type more!

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 Made it home from the wedding rehearsal. I didn't smoke I didn't drink. I didn't completely feel myself and I got a bit quiet, but I was happy to be staying strong with my plan. 

I got home and was having big cravings and my habit of relapsing was trying to get me to relapse but I got the support I needed inside and out and here I am. 

Tomorrow I pick up my tux for Travis's Wedding on Saturday, gonna get a workout and the head to work. Gotta stay busy and keep moving forward. 

Adam
D3

Day #2...Write a New Script

Had to reach out for big time support today. It was one of the toughest days craving wise I've ever had but that's almost what pushed me through the day. I think the big trigger was going back to work and having down time there. I usually get really bored, wishing I wasn't there or at least that I was making money. I'd then go smoke outside out of boredom. I had to yell out loud in my car that I wouldn't smoke on my way home from work, and that I wouldn't throw my quit and treat it like garbage.

When things started to get really tough, I had to post on the Quitnet Forum. I don't think I had another way to make it through that moment. The junky heard a song that was pretty emotional, which made me emotional and then I wanted to smoke. The junky said "You're going to get emotional and smoke sooner or later, so might as well now!"

I know that seems like a small thought. Someone didn't die, I didn't get my heart broken....but it doesn't matter how big or small, the junky will try to get you to smoke in any way, form or fashion it can. It doesn't matter how, relapse always hurts the same. It only has one job to do, and that is to get you to smoke using whatever method may work or has been proven to work. This method of "you'll get emotional and just smoke sooner or later" has worked a thousand different times. Tonight I get to go to sleep saying IT DID NOT WORK!

I re-wrote the script. I contacted support and yelled out loud saying I would not smoke, and I stood up for myself! One moment, one victory at a time with a plan in place when going into different moments throughout the day! Now I get to write this positive blog post instead of off somewhere chain smoking and feeling like I can't make that change I've been wanting for years on end.

I am thankful to be smoke free today and am proud of myself knowing I get to wake up smoke free tomorrow and not dreading the day, wishing I had the guts to take control of my life and make that change!

Adam
D2