This is how I will see today. I have my quit started, and made it through a tough day and on to the next. Today is a day about other people. I am going to my buddie's dress rehearsal and dinner for his wedding in 2 days on Saturday. I know quitting smoking will set in motion a series of new paths and events. I know I will find myself in different places and on interesting journeys that I would not have embarked on if I was still smoking. NOPE
I am not going to let what other people say get to me or put me down when I made it through a tough day and I didn't smoke. I feel proud of myself and have made it through one tough battle and onto the next day with a little help from my friends. It doesn't matter how big or small the "excuse", they all lead to relapse.
I did it by using my "plan" and getting the support I needed to keep me in the present and away from the thoughts that the junky has used multiple times before to break down my will and get me to smoke. I'm not trying to spark "drama", I'm trying to get to the root of the problem and put out the fire. By getting help, I was able to identify what sparked my cravings and extinguish them and stay in the moment.
In the end I know it comes down to "you don't smoke, no matter what", but I still had a real life crave episode and had to do something about it to diffuse the bomb and keep myself from throwing my quit away like meaningless trash, because that's how I have been treating it for years. Day is just beginning so I'll be back to type more!
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Made it home from the wedding rehearsal. I didn't smoke I didn't drink. I didn't completely feel myself and I got a bit quiet, but I was happy to be staying strong with my plan.
I got home and was having big cravings and my habit of relapsing was trying to get me to relapse but I got the support I needed inside and out and here I am.
Tomorrow I pick up my tux for Travis's Wedding on Saturday, gonna get a workout and the head to work. Gotta stay busy and keep moving forward.
Adam
D3
You don't get it. It's not about the "quit of the day", it's about having a long term sustainable quit. If you had even a remotely reasonable, manageable plan you would have quit years ago instead of getting all defensive about your latest "quit" every time someone points out that you are just going through the same motions every couple of days. The facts speak for themselves. Eleven years after professing a desire to quit, you are still a smoker. "Quitting" for a couple of days here and there means you smoke in-between = a smoker.
ReplyDeleteIt's very sad to watch. When you aren't banging your head against the wall you seem oblivious to the fact that unless you walk away from the wall you will in fact be banging you head against it soon. When someone points this out, you bristle and retort that you aren't currently banging your head against the wall. (And indeed you aren't).
When I was in your shoes, I identified each and every trigger and the days they happened. Days 3, 7, 10, 14, 21, 30, 50 and 100 were particularly vulnerable. I came to know that. I had a written plan to get me past those days. I accepted the fact that my brain was mush and wanted to go all over the place, so I ignored it and did ONLY what was on my plan (written in a time of sanity). I also had a standard plan for the random stuff that came up. There was never a question about what I would do when it hit.
My point to you is that you are not doing the prep work. (Maybe you don't know to to manage something, I don't know. Are you a manager?) There is an old saying, when you fail to plan you plan to fail. And you have been. Over and over.
It's great that you didn't smoke today. Gold star for you. Unfortunately a quit needs to last longer than a day or a couple of days. And that's where it gets you. Take it from someone who's been there. It's hard work. It's lonely work. You ain't doing it, and that's reflected in your results. And that's about as bottom line as you can get.
I know what you're saying is right and that I'm acting defensively when I feel my efforts aren't good enough when I'm trying my best here. I feel so discouraged all the time and felt good about my efforts to see (someone I don't even know) putting me down.
ReplyDeleteI feel I'm doing something right, then someone says I'm not...it twists my mind and makes me feel I'm just gonna fail. It didn't help me. I have to do what I feel works for me and so I did that and I tried to feel good about what I did so I can make it another day and build momentum. That's all I got and what I have. I'm not good at arguing.
I'm not putting you down Adam. I'm trying to motivate you to see that there is another way. You're so focused on fighting each individual crave that you're losing the big picture. You're trying to win a race by only using first gear. When the engine winds out you think that is failure.. not even considering that you can shift to the next gear.
ReplyDeleteI'll give you an example.
1. You talk about the flood of feelings that wash over you, you freak out about how this quitting thing is supposed to be forever, and then you cave & smoke.
2. What is happening: When you quit for a couple of days your brain is frantically rewiring itself. You're not supposed to feel normal. What are you expecting.. no pain??? You have to give it healing time, not try to make sense of every feeling. You can't. You won't. Accept that.
3. How to handle it: Now I've alluded to this before and you never picked up on it. You have to be so preoccupied with something, so involved and consumed that you don't have time to think about all the weird feelings and emotions. I've suggested that you dive headlong into a music project. Shift the focus of your mind to stay in the music groove. Train yourself. Your mind will accept direction, as long as you have something interesting for it to chew on. DISTRACT YOURSELF long enough and the other things will calm down in your head. You know this. You experienced peace when you had that nice long quit.. Every time I see your big long posts about all the feelings you're battling I just shake my head. The boy isn't keeping himself busy enough I say to my self.
4. Now you read the book Life Without Nicotine (I think that's what its called). Remember the part where it described in detail how nicotine gives you such an immediate hit that it clears out your salient memory queue of activities that give you pleasure. That's why you get all those feelings that you can't live without it. So if you KNOW this is going to happen, then you have to PLAN activities to take it's place. You have to rebuild that queue one good memory at a time. If you are sitting around wallowing in sorrow and fighting a single crave, then you don't have a plan, all you're doing is a test of wills... and believe me, against this addiction you will lose.
You have to outsmart it. You are a pretty smart guy Adam, and I'm not just saying that. I think you are totally frustrated, afraid of success just as much as you are afraid of failure, so it keeps you going around the same old hamster wheel.
Put that fabulous right-oriented brain to work. You are an artist, a musician. Get in the grove, think outside the box and build a winning plan. Schedule so many things to do that you don't have time to think about smoking. And if you are thinking about smoking then you aren't working on some musical piece in your head like you ought to be.
Think Adam, think.
You can do it if you put your mind to it.
I had my friend's uncle talk to me about music and pursuing it tonight at the wedding dress rehearsal, and here you are talking about it. I've also been watching and reading a lot of Wayne Dyer stuff and he says over and over "do not die with your music never being heard". I know that's figurative, but for me it truly is music....I will delve into my music. I will stay busy and do those things that are important to me. You are right. I agree with too much time on my hands to focus on all the rush of emotions that comes out the gate. I know that this rush is happening, I know it's part of the process and then I use it as an excuse to feel sorry for myself and in the end I usually relapse.
DeleteI have to do things differently and get active in my smoke-free life and not wallow in all the shit that comes rushing in.....that I never get past because I stay stuck in relapse.
not usually...I have always relapsed...that's why I'm on day 3
DeleteOne caution: You throw alcohol into this mix and everything goes to hell. You know it. I know it. I used to say that having a couple of beers would erase 99% of my quit and make me crave like day one again. It doesn't last forever BTW. After a couple of years it becomes possible to drink again without craving a smoke. But you have to rebuild that queue of memories I was talking about.
ReplyDeleteI stand firm in my conviction that if you are adamant about just doing the same old stuff over and over, then I certainly don't have the patience to sit here and congratulate and hug you every time you go a day or two without smoking. That's bullshit. Hell, After all these years I expect that you can muster that much. If you really, honestly want this to be over, then you need to set the bar much, much higher.
I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't think you can handle it.
Step back. Take a good hard look at what is happening, and build a plan to get this over with. Don't say things like "I'm 125% committed and I'll do whatever it takes" and then 2 days later you're smoking. That's absolute rubbish. Instead say "I'm doing this, and this and this.. and I'll be so busy I won't have time to think about smoking"
If your plan is well thought out, comprehensive, and you follow through with it, not only can you be QUIT as soon as you start, you can have your nicotine receptors in your brain down-regulated within 3 weeks, and most of the daily craves gone as well. Three weeks! That's pretty quick, if you do the work.
So do the work already. Get it done.
I've actually told myself that I think you are secretly addicted to quitting. Stop making that your life. Dream on, and build a better life. One that doesn't include constant failure. You want to be a winner?? Then act like one.
If you make the effort to follow this you will succeed. I've been there. And rather than rejecting this out of hand, think about it. It works. There's a reason why novice mountain climbers hire an experienced guide to climb Everest you know.
BTW you don't know me, but I know you. I WAS you. I AM you. I had to learn this the hard way. You can benefit from my experience or you can tell me to go to hell, in which case I won't bother you anymore.
Sorry for any typo's. It's after 2:00 AM here on the East Coast and it's been a long day.
I agree with the alcohol. I don't think it has to be forever, but I know I have to reprogram myself and my life
ReplyDelete