Day #2...Write a New Script

Had to reach out for big time support today. It was one of the toughest days craving wise I've ever had but that's almost what pushed me through the day. I think the big trigger was going back to work and having down time there. I usually get really bored, wishing I wasn't there or at least that I was making money. I'd then go smoke outside out of boredom. I had to yell out loud in my car that I wouldn't smoke on my way home from work, and that I wouldn't throw my quit and treat it like garbage.

When things started to get really tough, I had to post on the Quitnet Forum. I don't think I had another way to make it through that moment. The junky heard a song that was pretty emotional, which made me emotional and then I wanted to smoke. The junky said "You're going to get emotional and smoke sooner or later, so might as well now!"

I know that seems like a small thought. Someone didn't die, I didn't get my heart broken....but it doesn't matter how big or small, the junky will try to get you to smoke in any way, form or fashion it can. It doesn't matter how, relapse always hurts the same. It only has one job to do, and that is to get you to smoke using whatever method may work or has been proven to work. This method of "you'll get emotional and just smoke sooner or later" has worked a thousand different times. Tonight I get to go to sleep saying IT DID NOT WORK!

I re-wrote the script. I contacted support and yelled out loud saying I would not smoke, and I stood up for myself! One moment, one victory at a time with a plan in place when going into different moments throughout the day! Now I get to write this positive blog post instead of off somewhere chain smoking and feeling like I can't make that change I've been wanting for years on end.

I am thankful to be smoke free today and am proud of myself knowing I get to wake up smoke free tomorrow and not dreading the day, wishing I had the guts to take control of my life and make that change!

Adam
D2