126dyz...What it's like

I'm up late so I'll tell you what it's like. I may sound emotional about this stuff, but it's because I care and I truly want to help others.......

I wake up and I pray. I eat and I pray. I go to sleep and I pray. I am not a religious person but a spiritual person. Being thankful and awake is what finally helped me quit. 

I stay thankful every day for the fact I am smoke free and drink free. Any time I feel I am being complacent or slipping, I take a deep breathe and I focus on the positive and the truth. I believe more and more every day that I can conquer any thing the fuck I want. I spent 10 plus years trying to quit and an 18 year period smoking...and boozing. Sooner or later you have to say yes or no. 

My message isn't about God but it's a message about finding your why....finding meaning in life...believing in yourself...doing not saying....staying true to your word....helping others....helping ourselves. 

I am still new to all of this so I am learning, but all this isn't about the cigarettes, it's about building a foundation where who we are, what we love, what we fight for, what we live for is more important than the instrument we used to use to hide from our pain, to hurt ourselves, to feel less than, to be destructive, to live in shame or regret. 

It doesn't matter whether it's nicotine, heroin or sugar. If it is being used to harm us negatively, it offers no love and it is a problem. 

Alright. I said enough on my soap box. Have a great day and if you

Need any help let me know. 

Adam

125dyz...We are all in this together

Never met anyone in real life on this forum, but each day I feel I owe my freedom and a happier future to a few of them. I know in the end we owe our quits to our self-help, but connecting with others helps us know we aren't alone.

It's a pretty amazing thing we have here. We get support from people we don't even know. We pour our hearts out through these devices daily to help us stay on track and to feel understood through the ups and downs of addiction and healing.

Anonymity, celebrity, friendship, strength, love, empathy, compassion. We gain friendships with people that help us save our lives. In a way, a few of the people on this site are as important as people in 3D life. It's crazy to say, but true.

Think about what we gain when we stop killing ourselves slowly and start living with more purpose and passion. Our eyes and mind ,or minds-eye, seems to awaken from a slumber where we were numbing the pain by hiding and never facing our lives and what we are capable of.

Our prayers are expressed, our stories are heard and we give and receive help from ourselves and all around the world. I know I ramble a lot, but these are just such important steps to take. The small steps we take that get us from point A to point B are what add up. One step at a time is the answer...ALWAYS.

I've had some interesting weeks lately that have tested me in every way and feel I am learning a lot on this life-long journey. I'm so thankful to have such a wonderful amount of support wherever I turn. I hope those who are struggling just like I did for so long, can sooner than later, help themselves by reaching out to others. Especially those who have been through what we are facing.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Adam
125dyz

4 months smoke free

I'm tired of wasting time on things that aren't important. Family is important. Happiness and working towards it is important. Being ourselves, finding ourselves, healing ourselves and not letting anyone take these things from us is important. have a good day or night wherever you are. 

Today marks the longest quit I've had since 2005 when I threw away an 11 month quit. I don't really know how important this date is, I'm not trying to put a time stamp on anything. Quitting is one day at a time and smoking is no longer ever an option for me. NO MATTER WHAT!

Adam 

Leave a Trail

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

117 Dyz...Fragrance Lake 10K

Pretty much gonna say what I said on Facebook! 

I got 4th place in my first ever competition run. I ran through the forests of Bellingham, WA off of Chuckanut Drive. Didn't have much time for photos but snapped this one off while on the trail. 

I wouldn't have done this at all if I was still smoking and drinking. PERIOD...END OF STORY!!

Makes me emotional and means a lot. It's a small yet important step and I owe a lot of it to all my support systems and people who give a shit in my life! Thank you so much. I hope I can give back even half of the support I have received to others and make a difference! 

Adam
Never give up on yourself

115dyz...KEEP MOVING FORWARD

Need to write a bit. Yesterday was one of my rough days. I did not smoke but I did binged on junk food to try and feel better. I don't want to do that, but it's still baby steps. :(

My friend said it right "It's all peaks and valleys. The important thing is we keep going. One bad night is just that, one. It's a new day!"

Now, we can't just let ourselves have "one" bad day of smoking without full relapse (at least for me). I smoked for an 18 year period and 10 years I was in relapse thinking I could "just have one".

I do believe that I am on a different path now with smoking and drinking out of the picture. I know I'm not going to stop. I'm gonna keep on going, get out that door and roll with the punches.

I'm thankful to be smoke free today and on my path.

As I always say, "any day smoke free is a day of progress"


So today I'm going to get out there. I am heading up to Bellingham to do the Fragrance Lake 10K, and also going to be staying in Mt. Vernon to visit Joe Sneva, play some music and get ready to record and EP. All I can say is that I wouldn't be doing any of that if I was still stuck in my own shadows of addiction binge drinking and smoking and relapsing and feeling sorry for myself and hating myself for it! ALL TRUTH!

Adam

111 Dyz...

Back to patience again. Just got done with 2 doubles. Yelled out loud " I want to fucking smoke, I want to fucking drink" in my car on the way home.

It's hard to always feel so serious about something, but I look at my scenario, my reality and know that I can't just have a smoke, can't just have a drink. I would just be so hard on myself, I wouldn't be happy, I'd go into the old shame spiral rut.

I've worked so hard to get where I am. I have a lot to learn. I felt sorry for myself. I feel I want some kind of release because I could just numb everything before....but that's me never facing myself.

Anyways, just had a hard time getting off of work. I still don't feel completely normal and sometimes I feel a bit boring but I will not lose track of my quit and my goals. I will not smoke over it! Thanks for listening and sleep well.

Adam

109Dyz...Friends

Just wanted to give a quick shout out to my friends in my life. The ones I know will always be there. We dream big and we can also do the smallest of things without pressure or judgement. I spent the day hanging with Trav and Meech on the East side (Redmond). We had so much fun just taking the day as it came. We did a small trail walk, went out to dinner and reminisced about the old times. We also planned our snow shoe trip for Feb. 15th, 2016 and our summer '16 road trip to camp through Yellowstone and end in Colorado at Red Rocks to see Lord Huron play. 

I'm mentioning this because before I quit, when I was wrapped up in alcohol and nicotine shame, I wouldn't be excited about these plans. I wouldn't have my whole heart in it like I do now...and that was only 109 days ago. So much has changed. I have to remember how much different my attitude is now. Before I'd be in the relapse shame spiral. Day in day out, the only thing I could think of was smoking, drinking and/or wishing I wasn't smoking/drinking and how the hell I was gonna end the madness and stop killing myself physically and emotionally. 

Now I feel like an adult child. Now I feel excited to get out and enjoy life, make plans, journey and discover my wanderlust. I'm so glad I'm not stuck in that old rut and when I get down on myself or feel lonely or that I'm not doing enough or not far enough along...I have to remember how far I've already made it in such a short period of time and how much amazing life I have to live and make choices, play music, run, eat good food, visit with family and friends etc. all the good things!

So, all in all, I'm really happy to have the friends I have and to be on the life path that I am on and that I will never change again to partake in things that are destructive and bring me down. 

One small step a day in the right direction and it all starts with knowing, any day I do not smoke or drink is a day I'm making progress...no matter if I lay in bed all day, or climb to the top of the highest peak in the world...I can always default to knowing that a smoke free day is a good day!

Adam

7 Lovely Logics ~Repost

I just like how simple this list is, how easy it is to follow and how it covers all the basics of moving forward, embracing life and embracing the quit!

Adam 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
These thoughts are for life...but anything that eases our stress or makes us laugh is worth reading! Hope this helps someone :)

7 Lovely Logics:

1. Make peace with your past so it doesn't spoil your present.

2. What others think of you is none of your business.

3. Time heals almost everything. give the time, some time.

4. No one is the reason of your happiness except you yourself.

5. Don't compare your life with others, you have no idea what their journey is all about.

6. Stop thinking too much, it's alright not to know all the answers.

7. Smile, you don't own all the problems in the world.

Sheri
d37

D107...The Dark Night of the Soul

Just a dream, but can't take it lightly. I had a nasty smoker's dream last night. I was in a dream within a dream. Even when I had gotten out of the nightmare of relapse, I talked to someone in my dream and they said that I truly had smoked. 

I was at some party, I don't even know the peeps in real life. I decided I'd drink even though I knew I was playing with fire. I started getting drunk and we were walking around town and I somehow either bought or got some smokes and started puffing away. As soon as I let that first one in, I couldn't stop and I started binge smoking, not caring how it was effecting me physically, mentally and especially emotionally. 

I could feel myself go to that place in my head where I separated myself from my surroundings. I knew I was doing something I didn't want to do and I felt the guilt and felt myself letting myself down....once again. That feeling was hitting me where life is stagnant, your just stuck in that same rut and it's just another night of wasting time and wishing you were doing something different, something productive or at least something that wasn't making you feel less than yourself. 

So I guess in the dream the night ended and I woke and talked to some guy who I guess was my friend and I said "I didn't smoke last night right? That was just a smoker's dream right?". He said "Adam, you did smoke last night". I asked him why he didn't stop me and I was mad at him. I truly can only be mad at myself because you can't rely on someone else, especially someone who smokes to keep "your quit" safe. 

I felt the regret, self-hate, sadness and the fact I couldn't take it back.  Smoking and relapse felt like a living nightmare. When I woke up my ears were ringing badly and I just hope this is all just me healing in different ways. Always so relieved when you wake up smoke-free, but we have to remember moments like this and the honest feelings that relapse releases into your body. All negative feelings that hurt the soul! I am not going back through that ever again!!! 

No one deserves that! 

Adam

"If you want a thing bad enough" ~Les Brown

!!MEMORIZE THIS!! 

 

"If you want a thing bad enough to go out and fight for it,

to work day and night for it, to give up your time, 

your peace and sleep for it… 

if all that you dream and scheme is about it,

…and life seems useless and worthless without it… 

if you gladly sweat for it and fret for it and plan for it 

and lose all your terror of the opposition for it…

if you simply go after that thing that you want 

with all your capacity, strength and sagacity, 

faith hope and confidence and stern pertinacity…

if neither cold, poverty, famine, nor gout, 

sickness nor pain, of body and brain, 

can keep you away from the thing that you want…

if dogged and grim you beseech and beset it, 

with the help of God, 

YOU WILL GET IT!" 

– Les Brown