Just a dream, but can't take it lightly. I had a nasty smoker's dream last night. I was in a dream within a dream. Even when I had gotten out of the nightmare of relapse, I talked to someone in my dream and they said that I truly had smoked.
I was at some party, I don't even know the peeps in real life. I decided I'd drink even though I knew I was playing with fire. I started getting drunk and we were walking around town and I somehow either bought or got some smokes and started puffing away. As soon as I let that first one in, I couldn't stop and I started binge smoking, not caring how it was effecting me physically, mentally and especially emotionally.
I could feel myself go to that place in my head where I separated myself from my surroundings. I knew I was doing something I didn't want to do and I felt the guilt and felt myself letting myself down....once again. That feeling was hitting me where life is stagnant, your just stuck in that same rut and it's just another night of wasting time and wishing you were doing something different, something productive or at least something that wasn't making you feel less than yourself.
So I guess in the dream the night ended and I woke and talked to some guy who I guess was my friend and I said "I didn't smoke last night right? That was just a smoker's dream right?". He said "Adam, you did smoke last night". I asked him why he didn't stop me and I was mad at him. I truly can only be mad at myself because you can't rely on someone else, especially someone who smokes to keep "your quit" safe.
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