I'm trying to heed this quote. Work has been slow and I've been sick. I want to use the time to relax, reflect and keep my quit in order and not have stress. My mind though, has been slipping into worry about money and what to do. I know I can only do what I am doing at the moment. I'm also wishing I was getting into shape, but can't work out because I've been sick. I did go for a walk today through Carkeek Park and that felt good.
I don't know. Now is the time for me to just keep making one small step at a time, and to not be in any rush. also feel behind on my music, and all my smoking, relapse, addiction and the shame spiral involved keeps me from reaching my goals.
So instead, I see this all as a time to reflect, and to gain strength and know what I want to put my energy in to. I want to be more financially sound. Money isn't too important to me, but it's nice not to have to think about it and with no drinking or smoking, that in itself will help me out. With all the time I save from not being hung over and/or binge smoking and feeling gross I can be working on my music on my free time. I also have more motivation to work and save money and stick around and work if someone else doesn't want to.
I'm also looking into side things I can do to make money by just buying and selling shit on ebay. My dad has made a living doing that for about 8 years. I will only do it part time, but I think I'll do it just for something else for money, to keep myself busy and to be more self-supportive and capable.
Anyways, worry only wastes time. It comes and goes and it's there for a reason, but I want to turn my worry into positive reactions, instead of negative smoking out of self-pity and over drinking to combat the fact I'm smoking and doing the one thing I don't want to ever do again.
I'm thankful to be smoke free and drink free. I'm thankful for all the insight I am finding along the way. I'm thankful for this chance to be changing my life daily. I'm thankful for knowing what I want out of life and what will propel me forward to make the vision I have for myself a reality!
Adam
D12
Happy Halloween
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