Day #1...Rebuilding My Life

...This is how I feel today. I've been going through all the sludge over and over again. I feel I've hit rock bottom once again, but need to see it as my foundation. Things can only get better from here by me staying on my true and personal path. Relapse has been the same streets, same brainwashing and not moving on. 

I started my quit at 1pm today. I'm happy about it but feeling the crave, withdrawal right now and especially the anger of all this addiction has taken from me. It's taken a lot of my pride, self confidence, trust, belief, money, health, time and love for myself. I've seen it as my "through thick and thin" over the years, but it is suffocating me and keeping me from the life I love and want to be a part of. Time to let it go like a bad relationship. Their are always residuals, but day by day things get better and better, and you start to naturally think about it less.

Addiction is always being controlled and having to think about it. Always feeling crazy like I have a problem. My problem is that I'm a nicotine addict and I connect it to all my emotions, and I have to break the chains that bind one moment at a time.

I'm thankful that I am going to bed smoke free and look forward to a successful day tomorrow! One day at a time!

Adam
D1

Nicotine is NOT God! ~Repost from ME~

My friend Cara reminded me of this post I wrote. I have gotten so far off track lately, but this has helped me a lot. It's all true. I've spent so much of my time thinking about smoking, as if it's some kind of deity.  It's like I worship the butts. It's been a horrible relationship. One that's always made me feel less and feel like a slave. It's like Stockholm Syndrome. You are controlled by the nictator and over time are brainwashed into liking and having empathy for the one thing that has you caged and shackled. Free yourselves from this slavery!

Adam

D2

*************************************************************************

Nicotine is NOT God

From AdamzfinalQ on 5/12/2014 3:30:36 PM

I can already notice who the smokers are at work. I mean I used to stand side by side with you rain, snow or shine. I even work with some people that say they aren't smokers and then I smell it on them....they are lying to themselves. It's funny to see how embarrassing smoking is to some people, because it's true. It's true how dumb you feel for letting something so insignificant control your every thought and every mood. I have done it for 18 years, and obsessively the last 9 or so. We know we are smarter...

I quit 13 days ago and the clouds are already somewhat parting on how ridiculous and wrapped up I have been with something that means nothing. Something that I was exalting up like some god and worshiping day in and day out in fear. I was a slave to that so called god in my head and knew it was wrong and that something needed to change...that life could be better. That's why I quit.

I'm only at day 13 and it's crazy to see how desperate people are to go out and get there fix. They stay in a bad mood and mad at everything until they can get out and get there 5 minutes of nicotine....AND THEN THE WHOLE DANG WITHDRAWAL CHAIN STARTS AGAIN! You can never stay in the NOW because you are focused on a 5 minute period ahead of you. It keeps you from enjoying life and being present with what is in front of you. I think that's what I hate most about this addiction. Never being able to enjoy life because this built up slave god has my full attention and nothing else matters until I re-instill my blind faith with a puff of that poisonous smoke.

This slavery goes on and on until we finally say NO to smoking and more importantly YES to freedom! We have to realize that we are the ones in control, and that there is no slave god in control of us. It is a powerless leafy poison that brainwashes us into believing we can't live without it. It is addiction, and we are hooked, that reality will never change. Doesn't matter how long it's been, our addiction is either alive or dormant, and I choose to let the beast sleep and to not wake it...one day at a time!

Adam

NOPT

A checklist for Relapse ~repost

Never act too Cavalier about any of these things! Square one can't happen anymore!

Adam
D1

A Checklist of Symptoms Leading to Relapse

1. EXHAUSTION: Exhaustion allows yourself to become overly tired or to develop poor health. Much of this is within our control. Some people in recovery are also prone to work addiction, perhaps they are in a hurry to make up for lost time! Good health and enough rest are important. If you feel well, you are more apt to think straight. Feel poorly and your thinking is apt to deteriorate. If you feel badly enough, you might begin to think a drink or a drug “couldn’t make it any worse”.

2. DISHONESTY: Dishonesty begins with a pattern of unnecessary little lies and deceits with fellow workers, friends, and family. Out of this may come significant lies to yourself. This is called rationalizing, making excuses for not doing what you do not want to do, or for doing what you know you should not do. Small deceits sow the seeds for major dishonesty.

3. IMPATIENCE: Impatience involves feeling that things are not happening fast enough, or that others are not doing what they should, or what you want them to do. Impatience involves having a hard time tolerating frustration and delayed gratification.

4. ARGUMENTATIVENESS: Arguing small and ridiculous points of view (“argumentativeness”) indicates a need to always be right. “Why don’t you be reasonable and agree with me?” Are you looking for a reason to take a drink or a drug?

5. DEPRESSION: Unreasonable and unaccountable despair may occur in cycles and should be dealt with and talked about. There are different kinds of depression. Some are part of the recovery process. All need to be talked out. Lingering and severe depression may need to be checked out by a professional familiar both with depression and the recovery process.

6. FRUSTRATION: You may feel frustration with people as well, because things may not be going your way. Remember everything is not going to be just the way you want it. You must develop new coping skills to cope with frustration.

7. SELF-PITY: “ Why do these things happen to me?” “Why must I be an addict?” “Nobody appreciates all that I am doing.” 

Self-pity is a breeding ground for negative and low self-esteem.

8. COCKINESS: An attitude of “Boy, I’ve got it made, I no longer fear addiction!” may lead to entering drinking/drugging situations to prove to others you have no problem. Do this often enough and it will wear down your defenses.

9. COMPLACENCY: One may become complacent and have thoughts of “Drinking was the farthest thing from my mind.” Not drinking was no longer a conscious thought either! It is dangerous to let up on discipline because everything is going well. A little fear and constant awareness of one’s thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities are good things to develop. More relapses occur when things are going well than otherwise.

10. EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM OTHERS: “I’ve changed; why hasn’t everyone else” It is a plus if they do, but it is still your problem if they do not. They may not trust you yet. They may still be looking for further proof. You cannot expect others to change their lifestyles just because you have.

11. LETTING UP ON DISCIPLINES: Daily discipline includes prayer, meditation, daily inventory, and AA/NA attendance. Varying from this can stem either from complacency or boredom. You cannot afford to be bored with your program. The cost of relapse is always too great.

12. USE OF MOOD ALTERING CHEMICALS: You may feel the need to ease things with a pill, and your doctor may go along with you. You may never have had a problem with other chemicals, but you can easily lose recovery starting this way. Is is about the most subtle way to have a relapse. Remember you will be cheating! The reverse of this is true for drug dependent persons who start to drink. Once addicted to one substance the potential to become quickly addicted to another definitely exists.

13. “IT CAN’T HAPPEN TO ME.” : This is dangerous thinking. Almost anything can happen to you, and is more likely to if you get careless. Remember you have a progressive disease, and you will be in worse shape if you relapse.

14. OMNIPOTENCE: This is a feeling that results from a combination of many of the above. You now have all the answers for yourself and others. No one can tell you anything. You ignore suggestions or advice from others. Relapse is probably eminent unless drastic change takes place.

smoking NOT quitting causes suffering ~Gummer Repost~

Suffering?

From gummer on 11/9/2011 11:42:17 AM

Are you miserable, suffering from these hideous withdrawals? 

Are cravings and anxiety keeping you from functioning?

Well... this was ALL CAUSED BY SMOKING.

Feel that misery and let it sink in... it was ALL CAUSED BY SMOKING, not by quitting.

Smoking did this to you.

THIS... misery, withdrawals, anxiety, cravings... is what smoking REALLY delivers. 

This is what it has always delivered. 

This is all it will ever deliver.

This is what smoking IS.

Is that what you want?

The solution to your misery is very simple. 

Stop the smoking and you will stop the misery, the withdrawals, the anxiety, the cravings... continue to smoke and will continue to fuel the misery, the withdrawals, the anxiety, the cravings...

If you really hate withdrawals you are enduring now, why would you ever want to smoke again? Why would you even think of doing that to yourself? To feel worse? To be even more addicted? If you think about it logically, smoking will never make you feel better because it is precisely what is making you feel BAD.

Smoking is not the solution because it IS the problem. End the suffering now. You know what to do and how to do it. Use logic and reason and you will prevail.

Gummer

10 DON'TS To Help Keep the Quit! ~Repost

These are 10 rules that I want to keep close at hand so I am posting them in my blog! Impatience, Alcohol, self-neglect and negativity are all things I've struggled with and I have to stay conscious and on the ball....one day at a time!

Adam

 

Repost: Note from Gramma CeeCee;

I know this is a pretty long one, but it's got some really great stuff in it. It's probably one of the best that I've collected and put into my library.

Hugs,

GCC

138 days quit (Now 841 Days quit)

We all want this quit to be the quit. We're looking for permanent freedom from nicotine addiction. This article takes a look at some of the things

you should avoid when quitting tobacco. Build a strong quit program by educating yourself about the process!

1. Don't be impatient.

The natural tendency is to quit smoking and expect to be done with it within a month. Cessation just doesn't work like that. When you quit smoking, you are letting go of a habit that you've had for many years,

if not all of your adult life. It's only fair to expect that breaking all of the old associations down will take some time.Sit back, relax, and put some time between you and that last smoke. Have patience with yourself, and with the process.

2. Don't worry about forever.

It can be overwhelming to think you'll never smoke another cigarette.

Don't do that to yourself. Train your mind to stay in the here and now of today. This is where your power is, and always will be. You can't do a thing about yesterday or tomorrow, but you sure can control today. If you find your mind wandering in either direction, pull it back. Pay attention to your thoughts, and do your best to stay focused on the day you have in front of you.

3. Don't be negative.

It's been said that the average person has approximately 66,000 thoughts in a given day, and two-thirds of them are negative. We can be so hard on ourselves! Don't beat yourself up for things you can't change, such as the years you spent smoking. Don't look at past quit attempts as failures.

Learn from the experiences you've had and move on. Think about all of the positive changes you're creating in your life. Successful long-term cessation always starts in the mind. Focus on your purpose and develop an attitude of gratitude. We have a way of believing what we tell ourselves over and over. Don't feed yourself negatives. Affirm the changes you are working to create in your life, and action will follow more easily.

4. Don't neglect yourself.

This is a time when you should be taking extra care to make sure all of your needs are getting met. Following these simple guidelines will help you weather withdrawal more comfortably:

Eat a well-balanced diet. Your body needs good quality fuel now more than ever as it works to flush the toxins out of your system.

Get more rest. You will need it, and chances are you'll feel extra fatigue for a few weeks. Don't fight it. Sleep more if you can.

Drink water. Water is a great quit aid. It helps you detox more quickly, works well as a craving-buster, and by keeping yourself hydrated, you'll feel better overall. Drink as much of the stuff as you can manage.

Exercise daily. Walking is a wonderful way to get your exercise if you don't already have a favorite physical activity. It's a good, low impact aerobic workout, and it works well to keep cravings in check. Take a few 15 minute walks every day and see if it improves your spirits.

Take a daily multi-vitamin. Giving your body an extra boost this way isn't a bad idea for the duration of the withdrawal process. Cigarettes deplete so many nutrients. It may help you regain your energy more quickly. Withdrawal isn't a pain-free experience, but it is survivable, and it is certainly short-lived. Always keep in mind the fact that withdrawal

from nicotine is a temporary condition.

5. Alcohol and tobacco go hand-in-hand...Don't drink.

I probably don't need to tell you that alcohol and tobacco go hand-in-hand.

New quitters are tender. Putting yourself into a social setting where there is drinking too soon after quitting can be dangerous. Don't rush it. The time will come when you can have a drink without it triggering the urge to smoke, but don't expect that to be within the first month, or perhaps even the first few months. We're all a little different in how we go through recovery, so defining a specific time frame isn't realistic. Just be aware of your own situation. 

If you have an engagement coming up that involves drinking and you feel nervous about that, it may be best to postpone until you're feeling stronger. If that's not an option, have a plan in place for how you'll manage the event smoke free. Will you be able to excuse yourself to step our for some fresh air? Can you request that people don't smoke around you? However you decide to handle a situation, don't be shy about it. This is your life we're talking about here, and quitting tobacco has to be a top priority for awhile. Whatever you need to do to maintain your quit, you should do. Period! Remember, life won't always be this way - it will return to normal eventually.

6. Don't overdo.

We've talked about taking care not to neglect your physical health. Your emotional well-being is every bit as important. Stress can build if you're not careful, and before you know it, you're fighting a strong urge to smoke.

Early cessation creates its own tension, let alone all of the other things that come and go in our busy daily lives. Make sure you don't let yourself get run down to the point of exhaustion and that you take time every single day to destress with an activity that you enjoy. Whether it's time alone with a good book, a hot bath, or working on a hobby, make sure you incorporate some YOU time. Fatigue and stress are big triggers to smoke, and it can be a quick jump to feeling that you need a cigarette to cope. Plan ahead of time how you'll keep yourself out of those danger zones.

7. Don't take yourself too seriously.

You will have bad days. Expect and accept that. Such is cessation, and such is life. On those off days, make a vow to put yourself on ignore! Sometimes the best thing we can do is to get out of our own way. Our minds can make a small issue huge, and make a drama out of every little thing if our moods are out of whack. When you have a bad day, use it as an excuse to pamper yourself excessively. I say that in all seriousness. Be good to yourself and put your thoughts on hold. Decide to wait and see what tomorrow will bring. Nine times out of ten you'll wake up feeling 100% better, and I promise you you'll be grateful to still be smoke free.

8. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Statistics show that people who quit with a healthy support system in place have a much higher rate of success over time. If you don't have people around you who are supportive, and even if you do, add some online support to your quit program. There is nothing better than bending the ear of a person who knows exactly what you are going through. Getting help from people who have 'been there and done that' is worth its weight in gold.

9. Don't believe that you can have "just one".

There is no such thing. It doesn't work with Lays potato chips, and it sure doesn't work with cigarettes. Smoke one cigarette, and you run a very high risk of being back to a pack a day quicker than you can imagine. Don't fall for faulty thinking. A relapse always begins in the mind. If you recognize unhealthy thoughts of smoking cropping up, it's time to renew your resolve.

10. Don't forget.

You quit smoking for a reason. Probably several. Don't let time and distance from the habit cloud your thinking. Keep your memory green by reviewing your reasons often. They will never be less true as time goes by,but they can feel less critical if you're not careful.

Cessation is a journey.

Take it one simple day at a time, and you'll find that what started out as a difficult task soon enough becomes an enjoyable challenge.

101 ways to strengthen your quit

 

 

I feel like this list was made for me. Glad to have found it here on day #2!

 

Adam

 

I keep this repost in my Personal Library.....nice reminders....enjoy!

From: "Addiction-Free Naturally: Liberating Yourself from Sugar, Caffeine, Food Addictions, Tobacco, Alcohol, Prescription Drugs" by Brigitte Mars

1. Encourage spirituality in your life.

2. Treat all living things as spiritual beings.

3. Live life as a prayer.

4. Pray for strength, guidance & wisdom.

5. Meditate.

6. Breathe deeply & slowly. Oxygen nourishes the brain.

7. Chant. Allow your entire being to radiate healing sounds. Om works well. Or use your favorite mantra.

8. Read. Read all those books you've always wanted to, but never had the time for.

9. Make your living space beautiful & joyous. Surround yourself with the healing energy of plants, colors & aromas.

10. Keep your living space clean.

11. Look & dress in a manner that you deem pleasing. This will boost your confidence in all of life' s situations.

12. Unclutter your mind. Get an engagement book and write down numbers, errands & appointments.

13. Play music that's calming & soothing & contemplative.

14. Don't listen to music that you associate with your addiction.

15. Learn to play a musical instrument.

16. Dance.

17. Face your fears.

18. Address the issue. Don't suppress the issue.

19. Make a list of all your good characteristics. Post it on your bathroom mirror. Update it as often as possible.

20. Write down all your problems and brainstorm possible ways to solve them.

21. Practice visualization. Visit these tranquil places in your mind. (If you're having trouble doing it on your own, invest in some of the many audiotapes that guide listeners through visualizations.)

22. Talk to a sympathetic listener.

23. If you need outside help, get it. Find a therapist with whom you're comfortable talking. Or join a support group -- they're free, widely available, and have worked for millions of people. Support groups offer the opportunity to share what matters to you with those who understand. Bring your loved ones if they're willing.

24. Heal your inner child. We sometimes need to accept that our parents did the best they could, and they themselves may have lived with great difficulty. Be willing to forgive.

25. Nurture your inner child. Read fairy tales. Blow bubbles. Laugh. Play in streams. Be silly.

26. Spend time basking in the beauty of nature.

27. Eat right.

28. Exercise. Exercise improves respiration & circulation, sends nutrients to the cells, and stimulates endorphin production.

29. Substitute good habits for bad habits. For example, if you used to smoke after dinner, go for a walk instead.

30. Slow down. Whether you're eating, talking, walking, or driving, do it slower.

31. Take up yoga or tai chi. Both relax & strengthen the mind & body.

32. Get a massage.

33. Massage your own hands, face & feet daily.

34. Reach out to someone. Hug your child, love your mate, put your arm around a friend, stroke your pet.

35. Plant a garden. Gardening is a great way to affirm faith in the future and to observe the wonders of growth & life.

36. H.A.L.T. Avoid being too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. These are the conditions that can make you most vulnerable to relapse into addiction.

37. Remember that when you feel the least like going to meetings can be the time when you need most to attend them. The support of a group has more power to keep you from relapsing than you have by yourself.

38. Make a list of the places to avoid, the people to avoid, and what needs changing in your life. On the reverse side write down what you need to do to achieve these things.

39. Get rid of clutter in your house.

40. Drink more water to help flush toxins out of your system.

41. In all areas of your life, delegate. You don't have to do everything yourself.

42. Wear cool, pale greens & blues to help you stay calm during stressful periods. Avoid yellow, which can contribute to anxiety, and plaids & prints which can be too busy and cause confusion.

43. Wear comfortable clothing that allows your skin to breathe and allows freedom of movement.

44. Take a relaxing bath. Light a candle, then add a few drops of essential oils such as chamomile, lavender, rosemary, or sandalwood to the bathwater. Soak & enjoy. When you're done bathing, let the water run down the drain as you visualize all your stress going with it.

45. Maintain a sense of wonderment. Every day try to go out and look at a sunrise, sunset, the moon, or the stars.

46. Read books that connect you to God or to your highest truth. Read books that are uplifting.

47. Ask yourself what the best ways are to heal yourself.

48. Learn to say "No."

49. Use aromatherapy in times of stress. Essential oils that relieve stress include anise, basil, bay leaf, bergamot, cardamom, chamomile, clary sage, fennel, frankincense, geranium, helichrysum, juniper, lavender, lemon, marjoram, neroli, nutmeg, orange, peppermint, rose, sage, sandalwood, spearmint, and ylang-ylang.

50. Visit an aquarium.

51. Prepare your clothes, paperwork & perhaps your lunch the night before, rather than starting your morning in a frenzy.

52. Take naps.

53. Get up 15 minutes earlier than you think you should.

54. Take care of unpleasant or difficult tasks early in the day, so the rest of your time can be spent more easily.

55. Treat yourself as you would a friend whom you love and care for. Find small ways to treat yourself.

56. Get a set of Chinese hand balls, available at many natural food stores. Learn how to use them.

57. Each day find some positive way to reward yourself -- an aromatherapy bath, leisure reading, taking a walk, etc.

58. If you're blessed with a beloved, make love to your partner very slowly. Allow yourself to experience greater pleasure in intimacy.

59. Learn a new craft. Creating things of beauty is great for self-esteem.

60. Smile. Relaxing your face helps the rest of your body as well as putting at ease those around you. Practice an inner radiating smile and give thanks; allow your heart to fill with love.

61. When you're heading to the bank, grocery store, or anywhere else there's likely to be a waiting line, bring a book or magazine. Smile at the other people in line.

62. Do something nice for someone less fortunate than yourself.

63. Take things one at a time.

64. Don't assume that the success or failure of your children is the result of your influence.

65. Spend quality time with people you care about.

66. Avoid people who cannot honor your addiction-free lifestyle.

67. Have more fun.

68. Spend some time alone every day.

69. Write down your dreams.

70. Remember that saying "Yes" to an addiction once makes it easier to say "Yes" twice. Remind yourself of the advantages of giving up the addiction. Reflect on these often. If a lapse occurs, evaluate why it happened and what you could do differently. Don't allow a lapse to be a relapse. Get back on your bike. You can be wiser now.

71. Consult the oracles such as I Ching or tarot, with a sincere heart and an open mind.

72. Put all the remedies that help you to stay addiction-free & relaxed in an easily accessible place so you'll remember to take them.

73. Remember the saying, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Make it a mantra for your daily life.

74. Visit hot springs.

75. Be in tune with the moon.

76. Have courage.

77. Open your heart. Give yourself to love.

78. Write poems.

79. Maintain a sense of humor.

80. Remember that your true self is beyond your body and your career.

81. Enjoy beautiful food that tastes good and is wholesome.

82. Watch movies that are uplifting.

83. Place healing crystals on your chakras.

84. Play Tibetan bowls.

85. Every day make a list of 10 positive, healthy things you can do in a day's time. Give yourself stars for the ones you do.

86. Celebrate!

87. Be compassionate toward those still struggling with addiction.

88. Put out a birdfeeder. Buy a pair of binoculars and a bird identification book. Watch.

89. Volunteer.

90. Send a handwritten letter to a friend every week.

91. Make homemade treats for your pets.

92. Go for long walks.

93. Make it a habit to see something new -- some detail you've never noticed before -- every day on your commute to work or on your walk around the block.

94. Hold babies ... human, feline, canine, or otherwise.

95. Bring a homemade treat -- bread, cookies, a wreath -- to each of your neighbors. If you don't already know them, learn their names.

96. Think globally. Act locally.

97. Go on picnics with family & friends.

98. Keep your head up. Look people in the eye.

99. Be honest. Be kind.

100. Leave this earth a better place than you found it.

101. Count your blessings . . . every day!

Take what you like, Folks, and leave the rest.

Quit to live & KTQ!

Only I can make the change!

A little bit of everything. Lots to write about. I woke up after a week straight of drinking pretty hard, feeling sorry for myself and feeling like I had no way out. Day in, day out trying to quit and then lighting up and then running off and getting drunk. This is the shame spiral that I get into when I've hit the bottom. Last Saturday when I went to work, got pissed off at a co-worker, and punched him in the face in anger. I mean, I had been drinking hard for a while before that. I work in the restaurant industry and everyone around me seems to be a drinker, and I've always loved it, the main thing I hate is that it has kept me from quitting smoking and then they both have been spiraling together as the numbing agent for feeling like I can't live the type of life I want to which is bullshit every time to think that way.

 Ok, so I know I was in a mood from all this build up before the punching incident of feeling stuck and hating it. I think when this guy pissed me off, punching him became part of this fake, failing world that is part of the shame spiral. I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't in this mess I've let go on for too long. I am angry at myself, angry at life that their isn't an easier way. 


My car was stolen about a week ago, and I was about 3 days quit. Used it as an excuse. Car isn't back, but I decided to start smoking. I started a quit a few days back and at 2:45 am I decided to run off and smoke, even though I had told my closest quit friends I was done and wrote up a whole quit contract, signed it and put it on the wall in my bedroom. I came back feeling terrible after a long walk to get the smokes. I had plenty of time to turn around and go home and keep my promise, but I decided to feel sorry for myself and hope that me relapsing once again would show someone, anyone that I'm suffering and feeling sorry for myself. Did nothing but keep me smoking and I got a nasty panic attack and had to fall asleep on the floor because I was so uncomfortable and couldn't breathe from the panic that I had to lay down on the floor in order to breathe. Once again, a panic attack due to smoking and all the anxiety from relapse and feeling depressed about the whole thing. 

the one thing that is baffling is that this addiction is causing all these problems. Not the stolen car, but the panic and the punching, the depression and anxiety. It all stems from my addiction and how much it effects me negatively. That's why it makes no sense to go back to smoking when it is the one thing that has started this downward spiral in the first place. 

It is a black hole and not a fun way to exist day in and day out always fixated on not smoking, then smoking, not smoking, then smoking. The only true answer to this conundrum is....you guessed it......to not smoke. PERIOD!!!! It is the problem, life is not the problem. I'm not crazy, or a bad person, I don't deserve the misery...it's all the effects of addiction, not making peace and not moving on!

It all started with quitting smoking and being a huge serial quitter, pretty much day in and day out for 10 years. In the last few years, my drinking started become a problem with trying to stay off the cigs. I feel like I have made it somewhat a problem when it didn't need to be, but I have to correct it now in order to get free. I would use the drinking as an excuse in whatever way to smoke again, because my guard would be down and I'd either be in a really good mood and say fuck it, or I'd be in a bad mood and say fuck it. 

Adam