Back to patience again. Just got done with 2 doubles. Yelled out loud " I want to fucking smoke, I want to fucking drink" in my car on the way home.
It's hard to always feel so serious about something, but I look at my scenario, my reality and know that I can't just have a smoke, can't just have a drink. I would just be so hard on myself, I wouldn't be happy, I'd go into the old shame spiral rut.
I've worked so hard to get where I am. I have a lot to learn. I felt sorry for myself. I feel I want some kind of release because I could just numb everything before....but that's me never facing myself.
Anyways, just had a hard time getting off of work. I still don't feel completely normal and sometimes I feel a bit boring but I will not lose track of my quit and my goals. I will not smoke over it! Thanks for listening and sleep well.
Adam
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