80 Dayz Smoke Free!

80 days down my friends! Not a drip of alcohol, not a dose of nicotine. I've been through a lot of things in the past 2 1/2 months, and still have a lot of things to do for the first time since free. Lots of times I've wanted to just give up and give in to what feels like some kind of universal junky voice that just wants me to throw it all away saying "you're not good enough Adam, you're just going to give in sooner or later so why waste your time?"...but fuck that! You know how many times I gave into that voice with not a damn thing to show? I'm sick of giving in and not knowing what it would feel like if I just took one more step, waited one more moment, took one more deep breathe, prayed one more time, took one extra glance, just got to sleep early, just reached out for a helping hand etc. 

Since I quit on October 20th, 2015 I've been through a short lived relationship. When that ended she cut off all contact with me. I recently had a friend tell me to stop contacting him without any reason why. I've seen close people dealing with death or terminal illness. I've had bad days at work. I've been sick 4 different times usually with a lung infection. I've had a lot of head issues from having ear problems and adjusting to the healing process. I've had emotional ups and downs and people telling me I can't do this. Hell! I've told myself I can't do this many times!! I've had money issues from getting in debt. I've been separated from my music in this process of healing and feeling vulnerable and trying to reach some sort of "normal".  etc. etc. etc.

I don't know why I'm listing these things other than to show what all can happen in a short period of time. A lot of things are out of our control. Whether we smoke or not shit is going to happen and it's up to us to be a better person, stick to our guns and keep kicking ass. It's up to us to find new methods of how to deal with things as they arise without punishing ourselves with destructive habits that don't reflect love for ourselves and diminish the amazing people that we all are.

I've exhausted my resources when it comes to addiction. I have no more patience or time for addiction. I have too much unfinished business to hold on to addiction any longer. Too many songs to sing. Too many people to love. Too many mountains to climb. Too many miles to run. Too many questions to answer. Too many memories to make! 

Honestly, even today my mind glanced at the idea of smoking and drinking when I found out my friend truly does seem to want to part ways with me for reasons unknown to me. Where would that leave me though? It would just make me feel worse about myself and get me more pissed off at my old friend. I'm leaving it be. It's not my issue, it's out of my hands and I won't let it bring me down. 

The short lived relationship I was in with the lady was bringing me down. It wasn't on purpose from anyone, but I came first and my quit came first. That is the new high standard I hold myself too. I won't let anyone treat me bad especially if it's putting me in a position where I want to blow my quit. That is a red flag right there and I won't go there for anyone or anything!!!

I haven't written here in about 6 days. I've been sick recently...again! I just want to feel better so I can function at the level I want to be but one step at a time! I'm thankful for my quit. I am thankful to be loving myself and putting myself first. So happy to be at 80 days and I look forward to more success and to strengthen my spirit, music, art, health, body, mind, family, friends, emotions, be in nature and be a part of my environment in the new year of 2016!

I will keep my quit as my #1 priority and I will never settle for less!!

Adam
see you at the top!