This is it no matter what! I'm not going back this time. Doesn't matter what comes my way. We always have a choice and life is gonna hit us whether we smoke or not. What we didn't realize is that we can deal with life better, without punishing ourselves along with whatever is happening in life!
Why did I quit smoking?
I quit smoking so I wouldn't have any regret or feel I didn't give life my all before it ends. I don't know for how long I may live but I would rather live happy and smoke free then live unhappy and a shorter life.
For me I hit rock bottom over 1000 times. Hitting rock bottom this last time reminded me that I can only go up from where I was. I saw rock bottom as my foundation. I've learned all I can from this addiction. I've pushed the nicotine and drinking as far as my boundaries can go and I'm not enjoying any of it. Haven't for a long time and it's not answering any questions I have about the meaning of my life. Quitting smoking and all that I am learning from it, and about myself is giving me a higher standard to live by and I now have belief and faith in myself, that I can conquer anything I set my mind to.
I have nothing new to learn from this addiction. It was the same thing over and over again. The same memory, the same misery, the same shame, the same loneliness, the same stench, the same streets, the same hate, the same regret, the same wasted energy etc.
Then I realized that anything that smoking touches is negativity. All that comes from it is baggage that brings us down and makes you feel less than yourself. It is pain and suffering.
I knew I deserved better. We deserve better. This last quit I know is my last quit because it's time to move on and embrace life. Time to embrace who I truly am and question everything. I hated feeling like I had to smoke, or that there wasn't another choice but to always return to it no matter how long I would be smoke free.
I know it doesn't have to be that way from a first hand account!
I'm thankful to be smoke and drink free today, and that I will wake smoke free and drink free and free from the chains that used to
bind.
The strangest places
everything evolved around the addiction and I was casting people aside, even myself to get the next fix...it's pretty sad and you feel crazy and can't understand it....but that's addiction. It's rock bottom. Can't really explain the depth of how low it makes you feel. I would find myself also in the strangest places, running off in the middle of New York, or Spain, or Seattle after having said I quit to get a fix and feeling like a loner and like I have no control over myself. Did that for over 10 years of relapse. Smoked for 20, and 10 was constant relapse. Longest quit in those 10 years was last year for around 120 days. I'm never going back and made a promise to stay diligent and always put my quit first over everything no matter how many days I've been quit. Putting our quit first, is us putting ourselves first. Not in an ego way but in a caring, we are worth the fight kinda way!
Adam
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