I completely understand missing that rush. I quit drinking and smoking at the same time. I was drinking very heavily and smoking a ton and it basically was a huge pattern because I was trying to quit pretty much daily and then I would drink like crazy saying "this is the last time! I'm going all out!"....just to do the same thing again the next day, over and over and over again. It's like going from 100 mph to 0mph in 3 seconds.
You probably know but it is the smoking that caused this void, not the smoking. Even without the smoking, it is sort of human nature to feel the void and try to escape it. I read recently about a woman named Pema Chodron, a pretty famous woman who became a munk in Nova Scotia. She went into 3 years of solitude at a monestary. She had nothing to do, nowhere to be, nothing to run off and distract her. Even deep into some of her longer meditations, she would still get some pull that would try and get her to escape the uncomfortable feeling of the void and being in the present moment.
I just mention this because it helps me put the void into perspective. In our normal lives we have so many things distracting us and smoking was a huge instrument that would hide and numb us from facing the void. Now we have to face it more often and we have to realize it is harmless. It is a place where we can find positive things instead of negative things to better ourselves and love ourselves more and change our perspective and the way we react to loneliness.
No comments:
Post a Comment