I've been pretty tired lately. Maybe still got some kinda bug...maybe recovering still from quitting, may be the fact this is the darkest time of the year, may be from my busy jogging week last week, may be from not enough sleep. I'm not sure. All I know is that as things happen, whether I want to be pushing harder or not in life, I need to listen to my mind and body.
Just got a work out and going to Charley and Malcolm's show. Excited for some live music and to get out there. Things are good. Went to the doctor's, went to therapy and feel like I'm putting things in place to take care of myself. All things I wish I was doing the past years in the relapse shame spiral and feeling sorry for myself. Being quit and not smoking is a yes or no thing, but after that it is a process.
The early struggles generally include feelings of depression, anger, resentment, self pity and the realization of where their addiction has taken them (the five stages of grief), not to mention all the glamorous stories we tell ourselves about smoking. Those emotions have hit me a lot but now I know I don't have to dwell on it when it does come sweeping in. I use what I've learned from my addiction to lay the foundation of my new core beliefs and ambitions. It has become a priceless exercise to learn how to transfer the old negatives into positives for my life.
So thankful every day for this new way of life and I wouldn't trade if for anything!
Adam
always thankful
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